Love & Logic In Action

A few of my students like to wear their jackets all day long.  This kind of annoys me, but since the primary culprits are a few of my tougher students, it is a battle I typically don't choose.  Today I decided to throw some Love & Logic at it...

(Remember, this is relaxed and smiling through the whole conversation, in true Love & Logic form)

Me: "I noticed you're wearing your jacket.  Why is that?"
Student: "I like my jacket!  And it's cold in here."
Me: "I'm glad you like your jacket!  I like my jacket too.  But it's not really appropriate to wear in school.  Do you think you could hang it up?"
Student: "But it's cold in here!"
Me: "It is a little chilly, but I just turned the temperature up."
Student: "But..."
Me: "Would you mind hanging it up?  Just for me?" (Bigger smile)
Student: "Well..."
Me: "Thanks." (Smile, walk away)
Student: [goes to hang up jacket immediately without another word]

BAM.  Thank YOU Fay & Funk!

source

There was a little Love & Logic later on in my day too...
I got pretty rotten sub reports for the 6 student reading intervention group I run at the end of the day when we break up the students across the grade...There are a few unruly kiddos in that group!  One STORMED into my room at 2:00, sat down, and literally sat grumbling and grimacing to himself.

I walked over with a GIGANTIC smile and exclaimed, "[Student]!  I'm so glad to see you!  I've missed you the past few days."
Student: "Thank goodness you're here." (aka thank goodness another sub isn't here because I might EXPLODE!!!)
Me: "I'm glad I'm here too!  You seem a little upset.  Could you help me get the materials set up?"
Student and I walk over to the shelf to grab the bin of intervention materials.
Me: "You seem pretty upset.  What's going on?"
Student: (getting worked up and beginning to sputter) "Yeah, I am, well, Mrs. Teacher lied to us FOUR TIMES today, she, she..."
Me: "Wow, that's pretty awful.  Take a deep breath.  Listen, I haven't been here all week, right?"
Student: "Right."
Me: "So, remember, I haven't done anything to be mad about, right?"
Student: "Yeah."
Me: "Okay, so you're not mad at me.  That's great.  Listen, why don't we sit and talk for a minute?"

I sit down with him and tell him about being home sick.  Pretty dull, but kids love to hear about their teachers' lives.  Especially really needy kids.  Like putty in my hand...

Me: "So, I can tell you're still a little frustrated.  But remember, you're not in trouble in here.  So let's just have a fresh start for Intervention.  Can we do that?"
Student: "Okay."
Me: "Great.  I'm going to bring the books over to our group and get started.  Feel free to sit here as long as you like.  When you're ready to join the group, come on over."

Before I became a Love & Logic convert, I might have thought he'd sit there for the entire 45minute block, taking advantage of me.  Or that it was inappropriate to not immediately side with his teacher.  Or that I should get on him right away about starting his work or entering the classroom appropriately.

All so untrue.  In fact, he came over to the group about 2 minutes later, sat down, and started working immediately.  He started to get upset again, remembering the conflict he'd had with his teacher, but all I needed to do was look at him and calmly say, "Hey, remember, you're not in trouble in this room.  Fresh start, okay?"  and he immediately relaxed.  Kids like this one need MANY things, but most of all, they need to be shown that you care about them.  They need to be heard, and know that you like them.  This student needed to know that I wasn't mad at him.  It doesn't ALWAYS work, but it works just often enough that it is SO worth it.

Sniffles, Sore throats, Subs, and Other things that make my life crazy

Hello!  I took a blog break this week as I was fighting a nasty cold...Wednesday I got to school with dirty hair in a ponytail, a half-hearted attempt at makeup and a presentable outfit, a sore throat, and a a stuffy nose.  By the time I left at 4 for autism tutoring, I was completely exhausted and feeling sick as a dog.  I knew there was NO WAY I would be well enough to teach the next day.

One of the few things that I absolutely HATE HATE HATE about being a teacher is that you can't just call in sick.  OH NO.  I spent a ton of time typing out detailed sub plans and proofreading them, and even then I still needed to go in Thursday morning to set up the room.  I have a group of kids this year who does not do well with subs.  Last year, the principal or assistant principal would literally have to sit in one of the 4th grade classrooms when there was a sub just to keep fist fights at bay.  I have a number of those kids in my room, and while there were no fist fights, my sub's report was hardly glowing.

Thankfully, though, the asst principal stepped in in the afternoon and told 6 boys who were causing most of the trouble that they would be missing part of Friday's halloween party.  While that didn't completely turn them around, it did save ME from having to give a consequence.  Let me explain: I believe that there should be consequences for poor choices.  However, I have a hard time giving consequences for things I did not witness.  Since I wasn't there, it would do more harm than good to come in Friday and tell these boys, who I do believe were causing trouble, that they were going to miss party time.  I have several boys whose respect and trust I have had to EARN, and doing something like that, when I wasn't there to see what happened, destroys a little bit of that trust.  So, the asst. principal saved me from that.  I was able to come in and say, "Listen.  I heard you had a rough time yesterday.  I know that you will make a better choice next time.  You will be having a consequence this afternoon, just like Ms. Asst. Principal said, but we're going to move on and have a fresh start today."  And, in true love and logic form, when they protest, "But, [fill in the blank with something they did not do or something THIS STUDENT did]!!!" I can cut in and say, "Listen, we're not talking about the other studnets.  We're talking about you.  And I wasn't here yesterday.  I don't know what happened, and I am not mad at you.  So let's please just move on and have a good day today."  And 9 times out of 10, it works.

I still hate missing school.  But it was DEFINITELY the right choice.  After a day of naps, Arrested Development, peanut butter toast, and jammies, I felt MUCH BETTER and was able to go to school Friday for Halloween.  :)

Love & Logic Beyond the Classroom

True Life: Love & Logic even works when babysitting :)

My little sweetie: "Do I HAVE to eat brocoli?!?"
Me: (smiling sweetly) "Only if you want dessert!"

That's right.  Love & Logic 1, picky child 0. ;)

When a conversation really does help:

After my last post, I spent the entire evening frustrated about what that student had said about me and our class. I know I promised myself I wouldn't do that anymore--allow a ten year old to get to me, and bring my emotions home to ruminate on like that--but I couldn't help it.  It wasn't the behavior that was bugging me, it was that one comment about the seating arrangement.  I had kind of a, "How dare he?" complex about it...

Anyways, I pulled him into the classroom a little early in the morning and we had a long, calm talk.  And it was actually really positive.  I told him, in true Love & Logic form, "This is your chance to let me know what you're having a problem with and what you don't like in the classroom.  I can't promise I can change everything, but I can explain some things, and hopefully we can come up with a solution to others."  And we actually did come up with a few ideas.  I explained to him that I placed him with the kids at his team because I value his leadership skills.  Sure enough, the rest of the day he was stepping up and helping the kids at his team, even going above and beyond in math to help the boy at his table who constantly struggles.  It was beautiful.

I was SHOCKED though at one piece of information he shared with me during our conversation.  I sensed that he had a complex that I was a "mean teacher" before the year even started, and now I found out why.  It turned out that one of the quiet, just slides by with bare minimum but doesn't cause any trouble, kids from last year told him that I was "really mean to [student] last year," referring to my behavior problem student who constantly had melt downs and needed to be escorted to the office on a daily basis.  My jaw DROPPED.  I cannot believe it that that student is STILL following me around causing me problems, unintentional or not!

I explained some of the things that that student had done in class on a regular basis (throwing things, bullying kids, yelling and screaming, laying on the floor and not working, and talking back), and calmly explained that while I liked him and cared about him, there are consequences for any student who chooses to behave that way.  My goodness.  I never thought I would have to explain why there are consequences for incredibly disruptive, defiant behavior!!!

Anyways, it was a good day with this student after that talk.  Which goes to show you, while it might feel silly to talk to a ten year old like they're an adult, sometimes it really works.  Some kids just need to be shown that you value their opinions and see them as a real person with real things to say.  I'm sure our differences are not settled, but at least we are off to a better start to the year!

Musings on Day 2

2 days down.  I'm too exhausted to write a true entry (mostly because I just stuffed my face with a veggie burger and fries from my favorite local burger joint), but wanted to share a list of my observations and thoughts so far...

• This class seems less chatty than last year, but I'm sure this is part of their grand scheme to get me to let my guard down before exploding in chatter next week...
• Seems like I have a great group of girls this year and probably won't have to worry about them trash talking each other by writing on bathroom walls (oh last year...), at least I hope...
• Might have more trouble with the boys this year...how I miss my handful of chill boys from last year who managed to mellow the others out most of the time!
• Some of my kids are low.  I mean L O W.  I have my work cut out for me...
• I've decided that this week I'm not worried about the aforementioned statement and am focusing on "training" them in all my routines
• Routines = life blood of a smooth running classroom.  I can already see the difference from last year.
• It's important to follow through with logical consequences right from the get go.  Which is why we spent time practicing walking in the hallway today...
• Our first day of Read to Self left us with 1 1/2 minutes of reading stamina (meaning our class can read on task 1 1/2 MINUTES before someone is off task--although this is mostly just wandering eyes, we still count it).  Oh boy...this should be interesting.  
• This one parent is going to drive me completely up the wall.  She already had a problem with my first assignment...sweet.
• Some of these kids are going to be tough, but I'm working hard at building the relationship.

One last thing to share:  As part of my quest to make this the year of Love and Logic, the following words came out of my mouth today, and were largely effective:

• "On a scale of 1-10, how good a choice is that?  Thanks for giving it some thought."
• "Just because I like you, should I let you get away with that?"
• "Feel free to play appropriately on the slide or have a seat on the bench."
• "It looks like you're having a hard time getting started on your work.  Would you work better at your desk or on the floor?"

Tomorrow's Plans/Goals/Wild aspirations: add books to students' book boxes based on their reading interest inventory surveys, rearrange desks again, help the kids reach 5 minutes of read to self stamina, be consistent with my consequences (aka actually give consequences), love and logic the heck outta these kids, take a moment throughout the day to personally connect with each student, survive another day :)