First Week Recap! New Challenges + Classroom Tour

Phew!  2 Institute Days, 1 Back to School Night, and 3 full days of teaching down!  I'm always amazed by how tough it is to get myself back in the school mindset at the end of summer, but how once that first bell rings on day 1, it's like I've never left!!  What a great, albeit exhausting, first week.  Since this is my second year teaching in a multigrade classroom (3rd + 4th), it's my first time having some of my kiddos for a second year.  While I'd MUCH prefer straight grades, I have to say that having half of the class come in on day 1 knowing my routines is pretty fantastic.  I was super worried about how I had barely any leaders in my 3rd grade bunch last year, but sure enough, some of those kiddos have stepped up to fill their new 4th grader roles!  I love seeing them help the 3rd graders with things and teach them our chants, cheers, and call backs that they remember from last year!

One of the things I was most worried about in the weeks leading up to the school year was the fact that not only do I have an ELL cluster in my room this year, but I also have three Deaf and Hard of Hearing students.  My school houses the DHH program for the district (actually for the neighboring districts too!), and this will be my first year with the DHH cluster.  I was sooo nervous about having three deaf children in my class this year--what a step outside of my comfort zone and into completely unfamiliar territory!  I was mostly just nervous that I would do a bad job with them and totally screw up this first week.  On top of that anxiety, I was trying hard to figure out how I'd be able to clip an FM system that sends my voice straight to hearing aids AND a battery pack for a headset mic to my person without having to give up wearing dresses.  Solution:  My SPI belt!

 I wear this baby for races sometimes to hold my energy gels.   It works great for that purpose!

See, you can see the little pouch by my hand in this race picture.  

I may, however, be the first teacher to wear a running belt on a daily basis.  Oh well, at least I can still wear my dresses!  (And carry Gus around in case I need a little boost of electrolytes and carbs during the day I guess???)

First Day!  Check out my belt of gadgets and my rock star headset mic.  

My neighbor teacher said I looked like I was ready to teach an aerobics class!

Luckily the DHH resource teachers and all of our sign language interpreters (the kids have one with them at all times) have been super helpful and assured me I won't mess up!!  I worked really hard Tuesday night to practice the kids' "name signs" (a special sign for their name instead of just finger spelling it) and to practice signing my morning greeting.  I can now sign "Good Morning, my most wonderful students!  How are you doing today?" :)  I was like a proud little kid going around and showing how I can sign my greeting to other teachers.  It was so awesome to see a gigantic smile on one of the kiddos' faces when I was able to sign, "Good morning, (his name sign)" on the first day of school!  Loving this new experience--it will be a challenge, but I can't wait to learn more!

Anyways, on to the classroom pics.  I got to move to a new classroom this year!  It is MUCH bigger than my old one, and it has an adjoining door to one of my friend's rooms--score!  It's a good thing I got to move, too, because our numbers are higher than ever this year!  I am at 26 and my teammates are all at 27--ouch.  I know that many of you are much higher than that, but our district usually doesn't pack classes that full!  I'm thinking we'll be adding another section next year...Besides moving rooms, I decided to keep my decor the same, sticking with my zen paper lanterns and blue and polka dot theme.  What can I say, I know what I like!

View frmo the hallway.  I have my morning check-in with clothes pins on the wall, and my restroom sign out clip board is on the desk.  (Read more about my restroom routine here.)

Here's a close up of the blue poster on the wall--the teachers in my building all displayed pictures of the covers of books we read over the summer.  Loved it!  It's been fun sharing with the kids and seeing what other staff read too!  Great conversation starter!

View from the door.  I love my hanging lanterns!  

This year my room is big enough for a second small group table--score!

Just inside the door--calendar, birthday chart, and shared supplies (including bins for paper, extra copies, and scratch paper).

Just inside the door--coat hooks, text book cubbies, and book boxes lined up underneath. 

Back table, bulletin board with rules and agreements, clip chart, and class boggle game 

My desk and Homework Assignment board 

The one itty bitty window in my room.  It faces a brick wall.  Oh well, I guess you can't have it all! 

Side counter--file crate, Friday Folder Files, Job Chart 

Cabinets along the side wall--trying this word wall again.  I laminated cardstock with the letters of the alphabet on each sheet and wrote our vocab words in vis-a-vis marker.  Sadly, I did not keep up with it...what else is new?!?  I'm giving it one more try this year! 

Supply totes and math focus board (in progress--see what it WILL look like here.) 

Library and bulletin board where we will display our Daily 3 anchor charts 

Front of the room/gathering place.  My library continues here in plastic crates.  I love my crazy polka dot rug that I got for a bargain at IKEA!  This is where I do 99% of my teaching, between the easel and the projector.  My board is actually interactive!  It's not a SMART board, but somehow I can magically interact on the regular white board using some sort of magic pens...I don't get it, but it's pretty cool! 

Guided reading area.  The black paper above it is where I will post our affirmations, one at a time.  Read more about those and see last year's affirmation wall here and here.

Writing Workshop board--I hang our anchor charts here and teach the kids to go up and flip through to find what they need.  I also have our Writing Process tracker.  This year I am planning to post student writing using the magnet clips under the "Writers in the Spotlight" sign. 

Word Work bin, Class Writing Journals, and Writing Reference Books.  Oh, and baskets overflowing with pillows... 

 Phew!  That's it!  Now it's time for pasta, gatorade, and mentally preparing myself for tomorrow's 16-miler (aka ignoring the knots in my right leg that have been plaguing my allll week...).  Have a great weekend!!

What new challenges are you facing in your classroom this year?

What do you have planned this weekend?

Do Teacher Prep programs really prepare you to teach?

Or, What I wish my ed program had taught me...

I loved so many things about college, but some of the things I loved most (besides weekend extracurriculars...) were my elementary ed classes.  I attended a tiny liberal arts school with a reputation for high standards in central Illinois, and my el ed program had a total of 12 people in it.  We got super close during out methods classes junior year, got each other through student teaching senior year, and graduated ready and excited to teach and inspire the youth of America.  But were we really ready?

My and my El Ed BFF from college--we both graduated with teaching jobs.
Look how unsuspecting and naive we are here...

I love teaching, but the truth is that I almost didn't survive my first year.  I had an amazingly successful student teaching experience, taking control of the classroom early on in the semester and learning to plan and implement engaging, hands-on lessons.  I totally killed it in student teaching.  When I graduated with a contract to teach 5th grade in the suburbs back home, I was confident--I totally knew I was ready for this.  Then...I actually started teaching.  By the second day, I realized that not only was I not ready, but I had NO idea what I was doing or how to manage a class of unruly fifth graders.

I was so excited to set up this first classroom!

Before I knew what was happening to me, I was knee deep in the trenches of classroom reality, including dealing with extreme behavior disorders, learning disabilities, students performing grossly below grade level, and students living in poverty.  Oh, and did I mention that my undergrad experience failed to prepare me to to teach basic things like guided reading or writing workshop not to mention interventions for needy students?  I could go on and on with a list of the things I didn't know how to do, but it would be an entire post on its own.

From my blog my first year...

So there I was, having aced college and finished student teaching with glowing recommendations from my cooperating teacher and university supervisor, and I was completely failing.  I felt so defeated--not only did I not know how to teach the content in the way my district expected me to, but I just plain could NOT manage my class.  I began to think that maybe I wasn't so good at this after all.

My blog looked very different back then :)

Thankfully, I did survive that first year, learned A TON about content, management, and teaching in general, and came out the other side ready to take on a second year.  It's been three years since I finished that wretched first year, but my mind traveled back to it when I got a call from a reporter at the Washington Post Monday asking to interview me for an article about teacher preparation programs and whether or not they do a good job preparing teachers for the field.  You can read the article including my comments here.  The most frightening part of the article in my opinion is the study shared by the National Council on Teacher Quality that ranked teacher education programs in the United States--no only did no college in the US receive the top 4-star rating, the majority of programs received a rating of "mediocre" or below.  Over 100 schools even received NO STARS.  (Check out the study for yourself here.)

While this study should probably be taken with a grain of salt because students and professors were not interviewed as part of it, my own experiences would definitely support the claim that teacher preparation programs do not truly prepare you for the realities of the job.  I came out of my prestigious university knowing how to teach the content areas, but there were so many holes--so many things I didn't know.  I look back on my first year and feel bad for those students--while I CERTAINLY did the best I could, I didn't do as good of a job with them as I would have if I'd met them last year.

The interview got me thinking a lot about the things I wish I'd learned in college.  Here's my short list:

• How to teach literacy using a reading series as a starting point--My liberal arts school was all about literature circles, novel studies, text sets, and interdisciplinary units.  Those are all beautiful and wonderful things, but they are not the reality in many districts that require use of a reading series.  I wish I'd learned how to navigate a series and supplement it with other high quality texts.
• How to teach guided math--Many districts have been moving towards guided math in recent years, including mine.  I didn't graduate too terrible long ago, so I don't think it's unreasonable to say it would have been awesome to learn a little about guided math structures in undergrad.  This has been a tricky one to learn on the fly!
• Different ways of structuring guided reading time--This was one of my biggest challenges early on my first year.  Like I said, we didn't learn much about guided reading itself in college, but we DEFINITELY didn't learn what to do with the rest of the class when you are doing groups.  I wish I'd learned about Debbie Diller, Daily 5, and Reading Workshop in college so I'd have been able to choose one that worked great for me and hit the ground running my first year.  It took until Thanksgiving for me to have a real Daily 5 structure in place!
• Formal and Informal Assessment--I could have used a whole class on this.  Enough said.
• MANAGEMENT!!!--I cannot say enough how important it is for new teachers to learn different philosophies and strategies for management.  Many universities don't teach too much about management at all, so all new teachers have to go off of is instinct and whatever systems their cooperating teacher used during student teaching.  I wish I'd have had a whole class in management where we could explore many different systems and philosophies.

So much of teaching just needs to be learned on the job through experience, but I really feel like university programs could do a far better job of preparing young teachers.  I'm sure nothing could really have prepared me for the zoo I walked into my first year, but I wonder if I'd have had a few less tears if I'd learned a few of these things in undergrad!!

What do you wish you'd learned in college before you started teaching?

Triathlon Training Tuesday: Giving 110% and FINALLY Embracing Freestyle

Can I tell you a secret?  I don't always like to push myself.  Yup, I can be a creature of comfort, loving the feeling of a routine.  One area of tri training that I have definitely NOT been pushing myself this summer was swim training.  Yes, I conquered my fears of open water swimming, but to be honest, I've been swimming SHORTER distances since I started tri training than I used to swim as part of regular running cross training!  How did that happen?  That does not even make sense!

I'm pretty mediocre at every aspect of triathlon, but my swimming is pretty much Terrible.  Sorry for all the money you spent on lessons, Mom and Dad, but none of it really sunk in!  Let me spell it out for you: I'm a breaststroker.  Period.  For the past few years since I rediscovered the wonders of weightless cross training in the pool, breaststroke has been my go-to stroke.  This winter when I first started thinking about triathlons, I decided to give freestyle another chance.  How bad could it be?  I used to swim this stroke as a kid.  I was in shape.  Every other swimmer at the gym seemed to be able to swim freestyle without issues.  Why not me?  So I tried a lap...and almost drowned.  Not even kidding.  I remember thinking, "What the *$&#$???  What is happening here?  Why did I almost just die in the pool when I can swim 1,000yds of breaststroke without blinking an eye?"  (<- that may be an exaggeration, but you get the picture.)  I decided to take it in stride (in stroke?) as a challenge to work on during the winter, and I had big plans to be able to swim freestyle for my June tri.  Then...I didn't.

Awesome breaststroking action.  Yep. I'm that swimmer who actually stopped to WAVE to her family.  

Hardcore athlete right here, folks.

Swimming got put on the back burner during the end of my half-marathon training in April, and when I made it back to the pool in May, I got a little freaked out.  I couldn't swim more than a lap or two of freestyle without hyperventilating, and hyperventilating was NOT something I wanted to happen in open water! (Hah. The joke was on me, it turns out, as I hyperventilate for at least 1 minute any time I attempt an open water swim freestyle or no freestyle...)  I said, "Screw it.  I'm swimming breaststroke and just trying not to drown." My swim workouts settled into an easy pattern of breaststroke laps, never exceeding the 1/2 mile distance I needed for my tri, regardless of the fact that I'd previously exceeded this distance on a regular basis.  I was comfortable.  Life was good.  I froggy kicked my way through my first tri and every swim workout since.

 Let me be clear: There is ABSOLTELY nothing wrong with swimming breaststroke for a workout or for a tri.  For me though, I'd had a goal to push myself out of my swimming comfort zone and attempt to improve at a stroke that's challenging, and I totally stepped away from the challenge instead of rising up to it. Until last week when I decided enough was enough.   Wednesday morning I was pulling on my swim suit for a workout and noticed the pool in my apartment complex was completely empty.  Is there nothing sweeter than an empty pool?  Oh, maybe an empty pool with the sun shining down on it.  Granted, this pool is maybe 1/2-2/3 the size of my gym pool, but I figured I better embrace this sunny day swimming opportunity, as I'd be longing for the chance come fall!  I jumped in the pool and decided the tiny lengths were the perfect chance for me to practice my abysmal freestyle since I only needed to make it to one end without drowning, sinking, or otherwise embarrassing myself in front of the maintenance workers sanding the patio.


You know what? I totally rocked it and ended up swimming freestyle for almost my entire workout!  I have no idea how long the distance was, but I swam for about 25 minutes which is definitely a new freestyle record.  Then...I forgot to go to the pool again for days...oops.  Was probably too busy playing with this girl...

Sorry, I had to put in an Adorable Niece picture.  Don't even pretend she's not the cutest baby you have ever seen.  That's what I thought.

Yesterday morning I somehow tore myself away from an awesome book (check back tomorrow for my review!) and headed to the gym, ready to jump back in the water.  On my way there, I decided it was time to stop settling for good enough.  I can swim a 1/2 mile of breaststroke with no breaks and no problem.  I can settle and swim that for my tri in August and for my run/swim/run race I'm doing Sunday.  It's fine.  Breaststroke is fine.  1/2 mile is a solid distance.  Is fine really enough though?  Seriously?  I leave it all out there on the road when I'm running; why is the pool any different?  Enough was enough.  It was time to go for it.  I planned my workout in my head, deciding I would do at least 1,250 yds and try to do every other lap freestyle (+ breaststroke warm up and cool down).  I told myself I could do this.  I had this.  Today was the day. 


You know what?  I think I finally hit my freestyle groove!  I have never felt as comfortable with the stroke as I did yesterday!  It was still crazy hard and way harder than breaststroke, but for the first time I felt like I was actually swimming semi-correctly, moving forward, and not on the verge of dying.  Success?  In my book, YES!  I ended up swimming a set of 10 laps (500yds) alternating freestyle/breaststroke, and then swam 10 more alternating 2 freestyle/1 breaststroke, with 4 back-to-back freestyle laps at the end.  I know that may not seem like a big deal, but for me it was like knocking down a HUGE wall! 

I now know that I am capable of swimming freestyle for more than 1 lap at a time, and I'm wondering if it was just my mental block that was holding me back all along.  I know that in my swim/run race Sunday and in my tri, if I get tired or get freaked out about the open water or other swimmers and revert to breaststroke, it will be fine.  But I know now that I have it in me to swim at least part of my distance freestyle, and I also know that I have a lot more in me than I'd previously thought.  I start every day in my classroom with a cheer that goes something like this:

Me: Team (my last name), why are we here?

Students: To learn!

Me: Where are we living?

Students: Above the line! (<- from a Quantum Learning lesson on accountability)

Me: What are we gonna give?

Students: 110%!

I like starting the day this way, with a reminder (for all of us!) that anything less than our best in the classroom is unacceptable.  I needed this reminder when it comes to training, and you can bet I will keep it in my head from now on.  This swim was the beginning of something for me, and while I will never be a great swimmer, you can bet I will NOT be settling for less than MY BEST in the pool again!

Note to self: Never settle for less than 110%.  Oh, and wear sunscreen when swimming in the outdoor pool. That diamond back tan + sports bra tan is doing nothing good for you.

What have you done lately to get our of your comfort zone?

12 Tips for Surviving Your First Year Teaching

source

If you're a newer visitor to my blog, you should know that my first year teaching (last year) was no picnic.  Let's just say that there were A LOT of tears and a lot of times I considered quitting.  Luckily, I had a lot of wonderful people around me to help me through the year, and I came back this year for Round 2 renewed, refreshed, and with a new perspective.  I've given the First Year a lot of thought, and I've decided that these are the 12 most important things that helped me make it through, or that would have made things easier.  The truth is that so many teachers quit in the first few years, and that doesn't have to be the case.  Teaching is hard, but if you are one of those people with the passion for teaching in your heart, then it is SO worth it. 


*If you like this list, please share it with the young teachers in your life!* 


1. Build a support system for yourself both in and out of school
This was so important for me last year, and continues to be important for me this year.  If you are as fortunate as I was in my first year, you will have a great mentor assigned to you and a couple of really awesome, supportive teammates who make it their business to get you through your year.  I'm not kidding, one morning when I was in tears over how many management issues I was having in my classroom, my teammates came in and helped me rearrange the desks, then covered my class for the first 15 minutes of the day while I collected myself.  It's important also to have other teachers to talk to who KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH!  For me, this was another first year teacher in my building and a friend from college who was also starting out her career.  Our other friends didn't understand why we were so stressed out, and it was therapeutic to be able to talk about what I was going through with someone who was going through the same thing. 


2. Have an outlet to relieve stress that is completely unrelated to teaching
This is something I really wish I had done a better job at last year.  It is easy to become consumed by the job, especially the first year, and I'm sorry to say that I definitely let myself become far too consumed last year.  Make time to work out, play a sport, read, etc. as often as possible.  Burn out is real, and a balance of work and fun is so important.  I am still working on this one.  :)


3. Set a cut-off time for yourself to leave school each night, and STICK TO IT
This is another one that I wish I had done a better job at last year!  While there is so much work to be done as a teacher in general, it is extra overwhelming as a first year teacher.  It's really easy to get caught up and suddenly be the last one in the building...Last year, I stayed at school until 7 or 8 on a nightly basis.  One particularly rotten night, I was at school until 10pm.  I vowed that that would never happen again.  I still have lots to do this year, but now I set a cut-off time for myself.  Pick 1 or 2 days when you're going to stay at school late to copy things or do whatever you need to do, and on the other days, do everything possible to get yourself out of the buildng early.  Trust me when I say that it's good for the soul.


4. Make peace early on with the fact that you will not be able to "do it all" the first year
Oh gosh, this was a tough one for me to learn.  When I realized all of the challenges in my classroom last year, I was overwhelmed.  I had no idea how to help 5th graders who could barely read, unmedicated and out of control ADHD kids, kids with terrible home lives and emotional problems, and kids with no respect for adults.  A life long perfectionist, of course I thought I needed to fix everything and everyone right away.  I also thought I needed to be awesome at teaching every subject right away.  Realistic expectations, right?  Guess how I felt when it turned out I wasn't an immediate rockstar?  Let's just say there were a lot of tears...About two months into the school year, I started adjusting my expectations.  I focused on growing stronger in one area at a time.  First it was management.  Then reading.  Then math.  Then writing...you get the idea.  Am I an expert now?  Nope.  Not even close.  But once I realized that I wasn't going to be amazing at everything right away and started setting smaller goals, it was a lot easier to feel like I was growing and see that we were making progress.


5. Ask for help
And ask again, and again, and again.  The truth is, you're gonna need a lot of it (if your first year is anything like mine, that is)!!  There are resources in your school to help you with difficult children and difficult curriculum--USE THEM!  No one wants to seem like an incompetent idiot their first year, but don't be afraid to ask for help from your principal, social worker, psychologist, reading specialists, special services teachers, teammates, etc.  I would never have made it through last year without the support I received from so many wonderful people!


6. Know your limits
...and respect them.  Maybe don't volunteer to coach a sport or start a club your first year.  Maybe don't sign up for committees.  Rethink the second job.  Remember, it's okay to say no to some things.  It will pay off in terms of  keeping your sanity in tact!!!


7. Celebrate small achievements
This goes both for you and for the kids.  It took me awhile to put things into perspective with my kids.  I had student taught in a fairly affluent elementary school, and starting my job in a low-income school was a reality-check.  When I saw just how academically needy most of my students were, I panicked.  Eventually, though, I realized that while I may not be able to get every kid up to grade level, it is worth celebrating every small step.  It's also worth celebrating YOUR growth as a teacher.  Take a moment to celebrate that you finally have trained your kids to line up appropriately or walk down the hall without talking.  Celebrate that you got through a math lesson without losing your patience (still working on this one... :-/).  Celebrate that you made it through a week without staying past 6.  As new teachers, it's easy to get caught up on the things we still need to improve at.  Take time to appreciate how far you've come.


8. Think of something you loved about the day before leaving school, no matter how small it is
This is one little thing that makes a BIG difference.  It's easy to get caught up in and dwell on the negative things, and there were many days I'd drive home in tears thinking about the challenging students or what had gone wrong in my lessons.  One of my coworkers told me very simply that I need to think about the wonderful students at night, NOT the ones that were draining my life.  While there are good days and bad days, I found it easier to classify good and bad in terms of moments.  There weren't many days that were 100% good, but when I looked for happy moments, it was easier to find them.  Sometimes they were just reading aloud to the class, or how, when my water bottle spilled, one student jumped up, grabbed paper towels, and cleaned it up for me.  Look for a happy moment that reminds you why you're here, and can get you back into school tomorrow.


9. Find something to love about every single kid, no matter how tough that may be
This one pretty much speaks for itself, but I am a firm believer that teaching is an act of love.  We need to love our students, and we need to get them to fall in love with us.  The former makes the latter possible.  


10.  VENT.  But also understand and respect the line between venting and complaining
Venting is important, if only because it preserves your sanity!!  


11. Approach every day as a fresh start, both for yourself and your kids
Lost your patience with a kid yesterday?  Lesson flopped?  Couldn't control your class?  Lucky for you, every day really is a fresh start with teaching.  If you realize one day that your behavior plan isn't working, the next day go in and change it.  If your seating arrangement isn't working, change it.  If your lesson flopped, teach it differently tomorrow.  If you lost it with a kid, go in tomorrow and apologize straight off.  I guarantee they will forget about it in a day (the younger ones will at least, and the older ones will let you earn them back).  The really great thing about kids is that they adapt.  It gives you a change to learn and grow and adapt too.  


12. Remind yourself every day that it only gets better from here :)
It does.  I promise. :)


More Teaching Advice Posts:

• 10 Fail-Proof Ways to Build Relationships with your Students
• 10 Things Every Teacher Needs

Why I cried driving home from school:

I have been meaning to write about this for the past two weeks, but have had a difficult time putting everything I'm thinking and feeling into words...While I'm still not sure I'll be able to find the right words, I figure I better at least give it a try.  This post is a little long, but please indulge me--I have a lot to say...

There are many MANY challenging students in every grade at my school.  As Mrs. Mentor Teacher says, "it's no picnic" in any of our rooms.  This year I have a wonderful class, but since August I have been writing about one student who is particularly challenging, my student who is both prone to emotional outbursts (like calling me racist with no context whatsoever), who occasionally storms out of the room/runs away, and also cannot read (at all).  He has been my biggest challenge since August, and taken up SO much of my time, working with him 1 on 1 in the classroom, at lunch, and after school, not to mention the lengthy RTI meetings...

Slightly less challenging, but also difficult at times was another student with whom I got off to a rough start, but later decided he could trust me, after which our relationship significantly improved.  I'm talking about the student who decided immediately that he didn't like me because he happened to be the only African American student at his table, who liked to lay pouting on the floor from time to time, and, oh yeah, who brought a bb gun to school.  We have had our fair share of moments as well...

All that being said, I grew to LOVE these two students over the past few months.  When I realized how much baggage they were carrying and how challenging they had the potential to be, I made it my absolute priority to earn their trust and build a strong relationship with them right off the bat.  As the principal with whom I student taught said, above all, teachers need to get their students to like them, because if a student likes you, he'll do ANYTHING for you.  I quickly realized how true that was.  And as I could see I was beginning to capture their hearts, they were absolutely capturing mine.

Coming back from winter break was like entering a completely different classroom.  You see, both of these boys moved over break.  In my building, students move constantly.  When you think about low-performing schools, not everyone realizes how difficult it is to separate income and ability.  Low-income schools by nature tend to have transient populations--families move suddenly as jobs appear and disappear, leases run out, families are forced to move in with other familiy members...the list goes on.  This means kids are pulled out of school and plopped somewhere new.  Often they miss weeks of school in between.  What does this mean?  They fall further and further behind, not to mention the added difficulty of starting an intervention program.

I'm used to kids moving.  But when I found out that slightly-less-difficult student was moving, it was like a punch in the stomach.  What?  You're kidding, I told Mr. Principal when he passed on the news.  After all our hard work building a relationship, after all the progress we'd made, he was MOVING???

Just as I began to make my peace with that, not three days later when most-challenging-student didn't show up for school on the last day before winter break, the second bomb dropped.  After a little detective work and a few calls to Mom, we found out that the family had already moved out of their house, and moved in with family in a neighboring suburb.  They are currently not enrolled in any school, and administration is still trying to get in touch with them to figure out whcih school they should be enrolling at.

I literally cried Friday (before break) when I left school, digesting this news.  This student has brought me to tears before, and not in the "I hate him so much I could quit" way.  More in the, "Your life is so sad and your heart is so good and there is so little I can do to help you" type of way.  I came to love this student this year, and grew infinitely as a professional because of him.  He is so needy, and has been through so much.  Dad's not around, mom has a questionable job that involves working nights, and he's been at school after school after school.  He had finally begun making a little growth, and we finally had an RTI program in place with plans to evaluate for an IEP after just a few more weeks of data were collected.  We had truly bonded.

And then he moved.  What's going to happen to him? I keep wondering.  Actually, I'm almost certain I know what's going to happen to him...and that's the scary part.  No matter how hard the teachers at his new school will work, he will likely move again, and again.  He will fall even further behind, and eventually become so frustrated that he can neither read nor add that he will drop out of school.  He will likely join a gang, and then...who knows.  It is literally tearing me to pieces.  I love this child.  I did everything I could for him while he was in my room, and it was nowhere near enough, and nowhere near what he needed.  And now he's gone, and I can't do anymore.

And while my classroom was more orderly and quiet today, while no one talked back or needed my constant undivided attention, it felt...empty.  The rational part of me says that this will mean I can spend so much more time with my other low learners who got lost in the shuffle before.  And that's true.  But...somehow that just doesn't make me feel better.

That's a new one...

Today was not my happiest of days at school.  While things are still going far better than last year, today I was pretty frustrated all day.  A couple of my boys are causing some problems, some routines are in need of reteaching, and I'm just feeling a little uneasy about my teaching in general (which tends to happen when something goes wrong--I unravel a bit...).  One of my "tough" boys was talking to his neighbors and shouting out answers ALL day long.  When he received a warning or consequence, he completely shut down.  This morning, it was lying belly down on his chair and refusing to do any work/participate.  Fine, I ignored it.  This afternoon, when I pulled him out in the hall to discuss his behavior from the morning and the consequences he would be receiving for it, it was laying on the floor outside of the room and refusing to come in for a good 20 minutes.  Then, at the end of the day when I pulled him aside to let him know I'd be calling his mom about the previous behavior, it was storming off before I could actually have a reteaching conversation.

Well, I called mom to fill her in, and when her son got home, she talked to him a bit before calling me back.  When we spoke the second time, she told me that her son had told her he's upset with me because the African American students in the class are seated "1 at each table group" (which isn't true for all of the groups, but is true at his group and a few of the others).

Yep.  Exactly what I was going for, buddy.  So that's why you're constantly disrupting class and acting defiantly by lying belly down on your chair?

Anyways, my reaction to the mother was a big old, "Ummmmm.....can't say I noticed..."  Honestly, there are so many things I think about when arranging seats.  2 boys and 2 girls per table.  2 lower kids and 2 higher kids.  Try to surround my chatter boxes and flaming tempers with mild mannered, mellow kids.  That is exactly what I had done at his table.  I explained this to mom, and she was not at all accusatory.  I apologized for any misunderstandings, and said I would touch base with him in the morning to share this information with him and problem-solve.

I have been dwelling on this all night though, because I am honestly pissed off.  The truth is that this child is probably mad at me both for giving him a consequence, calling his mom, and probably partly because he's not seated by one of his best friends.  Which he will continue to not be because of the previously mentioned problems.  Anyways, he's mad, making excuses for his behavior, and trying to get me back.

Sigh.  I'm just glad this exhausting, long day is over.  Tomorrow is another day.  I will not let a ten year old get the best of me or unnerve me.  I will keep trying tomorrow.

If I hadn't been there, I never would have believed it...

Thrilled that we have canceled our intervention block for the week and a half leading up to spring break, I've decided to use the extra time to read aloud a novel that connects with our social studies unit--Blood on the River.  So, after lunch today, I passed out the "interactive read aloud" packet I made for them to record thoughts and questions while they listen, started settling the kids on the carpet, and was excited about the 25 minute span of time ahead of us to just enjoy a novel together, when--

CRASH!!!

I look over and see that one of my super coordinated little darlings has leaned against a small book case and knocked the entire thing onto its side.  Books were everywhere, but what's worse, that was the book case on which our pet fish resides in his fancy glass vase filled with beautiful pink glass stones.  Said fish was currently flopping around on the sopping carpet amidst those pretty pink glass stones and shards of glass of varying sizes.  "Quick, grab the jug of water!" I yelled, and we filled a glass I happened to have on hand with it.  Then, I knelt down, staring at the flopping fish--What the hell do I do now?!?!?! I thought.  My methods of teaching science teacher trained me to never let me kids see that I am grossed out by a bug or animal, but seriously, how was I supposed to pick up a struggling beta???  I tried once, but it just didn't happen.  Thankfully, one of my kids swooped in and had that little guy in the glass in no time flat. 

"Everybody, back to your seats and take out a book!" I yelled, once the fish was safe (or as safe as he could possible be--I'd say there's a distinct possibility of brain damage...we'll see if he makes it through the night...).  I REALLY didn't want to be that teacher who has a student get shards of glass embedded in his or her hands under my watch...Things didn't much improve when I called the office and they informed me that the custodian was on his lunch break.  Not wanting to leave the heap of shrapnel unattended, my plans for the educational read aloud faded away and the kids silent read at their desks while I spent 40+ minutes picking shards of glass from the carpet (and let me tell you, fish bowl water is not the most pleasant of aromas...), trying not to get too much stuck in my finger tips. 

When I left for my break during the kids' art class, I looked down at my pants with fish water stains, washed off a little glass cut on my finger, and thought to myself, "This is my career???"  All in a day's work as a teacher, I guess!

One happy thing:  when I was cleaning up the crime scene, the kids managed to circulate a note throughout the entire class that said, "Sorry about the fish!" and was signed by every student.  Adorable.  How they manage to get their acts together enough for that but can barely hang up their backpacks, I'll never know.  But it's days like these that remind me that, while it certainly isn't easy, teaching is nothing if not an ADVENTURE!!!

Note to self: Speak. Slowly. And install security cams near the coatrack...

Today was just one of those days.  You know, those trying to cram in a million things, time is slipping away, talking way too fast, explaining too many things at once, and letting my hectic-frazzled-craziness rub off on the kids kind of days.  They are never very good days (although this one wasn't terrible or anything, but definitely not a winner).  My goals for tomorrow: breathe.  speak slowly.  remember that we can finish things tomorrow. 

It's just hard with ISATs looming not too far in the distance, parent conferences this week, and so many shortened weeks lately with inservices, conferences, and holidays.  I constantly feel like I need to be moving faster than I am, and consequently rush to try and get things finished, which means we all end up a little crazy.  But tomorrow, I will do my best not to let my craziness show.  I will speak slowly, give clear directions, and remember that everything will get done, just maybe not at the pace I had hoped.  Tomorrow I am going to daringly make time for a 15 minute read aloud after PE.  I know.  The audacity.  15 minutes that could be used for ISAT prep.  I am going to try my very hardest, against all better judgement, to sit the kids down on the rug and read a short picture book, because honestly we need a little break.

On another note, this is the dilemma I found myself faced with this afternoon: 
The kids are frantically packing up (aka I am yelling at them to clean up the room--more on that later), and one girl exclaims that her mp3 player is missing from her backpack.  I have everyone check desks and backpacks "just in case" to no avail.  Well, it's then that I notice my little darling who already was caught stealing not 1 but 2 cell phones from building STAFF this year is not in the room.  She has already left to check out (she's on the school behavior plan).  THEN I start having to not only console a crying child whose mp3 player (that she stupidly brought to school) has been stolen, monitor the cleaning of the room (see above comment about the yelling), AND quell rumors that are already spreading like wild fire that the aforementioned notorious stealer was seen over near the backpacks earlier...My oh my.  And this all in the last 2 minutes before the bell.

Here is my dilemma:  when I ask this particular child tomorrow if she stole the mp3 player, I'm certain the response will be absolute denial.  That was, of course, the response when interrogated about the cell phones (that she did in fact take).  So...what do I do then?  I have no proof.  The other student shouldn't have had that at school anyways.  I have no idea what the next step should be, or if there should even be one.  Why, when we were given "what would you do in THIS situation" scenarios in teacher class, was this type of event never among them?  Thoughts?  Opinions? 

yikes

When Dan Brown of The Great Expectations School came and spoke to my senior seminar class last year about his teaching experience in the Bronx, he told us how there were weeks when he was literally just coming into school and teaching for that one child. He would tell himself, if I can just help one child... On the days when the staff and students made him crazy, he'd think of that one child who was paying attention and learning and listening. When Dan Brown told us that last year in CLA 101, we all kind of laughed. One child? please.

Now, after leaving the comfortable walls of CLA and entering the actual classroom, I'm finding myself wondering how I will possibly make it through the year. And I'm finding myself saying the very same thing: "If it weren't for this student, I swear I wouldn't make it..." I know, I'm probably being dramatic. Of course I will make it though the year. But it seems like all I can think about is how I'm not doing a good enough job, how there are so many kids I'm already not helping enough, and how they're going to wear me down before I have a chance to make an impact.

But tomorrow I will still go to school, and if that handful of kids gets me down, at lest I can look to "that one student" and his immaculate desk and organized folders and think, 'thank goodness i have ONE who knows what to do at school!'

Wow, i really need some sleep. I got to school this morning at 5:45am and left at 6:45pm. Tomorrow I think I'm going to sleep in until 5:15...I know, I'm a rebel. :/ Here's hoping tomorrow is a good day.