Reflections on a Year of Change

Today marks the last day of the school year, and my first last-day at my new school.  Nothing more depressing than a classroom full of boxes and empty of color:

This has been a year of changes, and I want to take a moment to reflect and celebrate.  This year I...

• Was welcomed into a building with a truly positive climate...
• Fell in love with a new grade level...
• Worked as part of a truly well-functioning team... ((What a breath of fresh air!))
• Implemented Quantum Learning into every part of my day...
• Finally KIND OF figured out how to run guided math...
• Celebrated amazing amounts of growth with my kiddos...
• Conquered my fear of field trips, including taking a 16hr marathon trip to Springfield, IL...
• Finished my masters! (happy dance!)...
• Got my *spark* back and truly grew as a teacher.

Thinking back over this year, while I still feel like I kind of got screwed out of a job last year, I feel truly blessed. Last year just plain sucked--you might remember how frustrated, defeated, and exhausted I felt when I worked, and worked, and worked, only to feel like I was being sent the message that it wasn't enough.  This year was of course filled with its own challenges, as every year in teaching is, but during one of my evaluation meetings with my principal, I shared with him that I feel like myself again.  What a wonderful feeling.  While I didn't end up somewhere beautiful and new this year, I am confident that I ended up exactly where I was supposed to be.  More than ever, after this year I whole-heartedly believe that everything happens for a reason.  

My goals for next year include:

• Figure out how to get the kiddos using WAY more technology in the classroom--I totally suck in this area
• Figure out how to get my kids actually reading and FINISHING tons of books
• Work independent reading conferences into my literacy block somewhere, and take data on them!
• Keep working on guided math!!
• Take a sign language class--I will not only have an ELL cluster next year, but I'll also have a Deaf & Hard of Hearing cluster!  (My school has the DHH program for the district.)
• Start Girls on the Run at my school--hopefully!

I will leave you today with some "gems" from the letters I had the kiddos write to me yesterday.  I love reading the totally random things they have to say, and they can be pretty darn cute. :)

Because the ONLY reason for learning is to be smarter than friends and cousins ;)

^Note the triathlon themed artwork on the bottom--LOVE!

"I am super proud of the accomplishments.  We did great, but not as good as you did."

Didn't realize I was in a contest against the kids!!

Look closely at the detailed drawing of the projector.  I'm confused about the wavy line that connects what I assume is me to it.

:)  Love random sharing.

I'm the One and Only Miss Teacher!!  Woo!

Kid, I hope my summer looks just like this picture.

Aw thanks, I will try to keep it up!

Clearly they know that I am in desperate need of some relaxing time :)

Teachers--are you on break yet??  How are you celebrating your start to summer?  I'm celebrating the start to my summer by enjoying a much needed night out with a friend tonight, attending a marathon training clinic tomorrow, and digging deep for my last brick of tri training Sunday before the Esprit de She triathlon on June 9th.  Oh, and hopefully watching a Blackhawks WIN somewhere in there!!

What are your reflections on the year and goals for next year?

Boxes, Packing Tape, and Where's My Sanity?

Oh I know, it's probably shoved into an altogether too small cardboard box in between some paperback novels, index cards, and unifix cubes...That's right, you guessed it folks.  I spent my day today knee deep in the dreaded job of packing my classroom.  After my first year teaching, I complained about having to clean out the room, cover book shelves and bulletin boards with butcher paper, and cram all of my "stuff" into cabinets and closets.  I LONG for a job that simple right now!!!

Last year's "packed" classroom (aka bookshelves covered with paper...)

Since I am moving schools next year, I was faced with the GIGANTIC task of packing every single item from my classroom into cardboard boxes and garbage bags.  Those of you who are not teachers may not understand the hugeness of this undertaking.  It's just one room, right?  HAH.  Let me paint you a little picture.  There are well over 1,000 books in my library.  I have at least 50 storage bins and crates, of course of a variety of shapes and sizes so they can't even be stacked.  I filled two boxes with math manipulativesalone, in addition to the two plastic tubs I just taped shut (I left several boxes behind, btw).  I have an entire box of just random crap from my teacher desk, and another of shared supplies like markers, highlighters, spare glue sticks, etc.  I have a box that is filled entirely with rolled up bulletin board boarders and craft supplies for goodness sake, and I have hardly any of either of those things in comparison to other teachers!

Lucky for me, though, our district gives us a beautiful gift each year: Records Day.  It's basically a no-kids administrative day for us to fill out info in the kids' cumulative folders (aka PERMANENT RECORDS) and take care of other end of the year tasks, part of which includes the dreaded packing of the room.  Today was that day.  Now setting up the classroom each fall can be overwhelming and a general pain just because of the sheer amount of work involved (x 100 if you are crazy detail obsessed and organized like me...), but the end of the year just sucks because not only is it the same amount of work (more if you're moving schools!), but add in about 10 pounds of dust that somehow managed to collect in random nooks and crannies in the room, plus the general depressing nature of taking a warm, inviting classroom and generally nice place to be and stripping it to the bones of all of its "niceness."  Yuck.  I'm sorry, but this pretty much sucks, you guys.

Before:

I spent close to 11 hours in my classroom today, most of which was spent packing.  By the end I was so exhausted that I would sit on a desk between boxes, gaze around the pathetic, depressing mess that was once my wonderfully bright and warm classroom, and figure out which corner I should tackle next.  What a terribly depressing day!!

 After:

 Oh, and don't worry--at one point, I got a phone call from a school in Boston asking me to interview for a 5th grade position.  Remember how my #1 choice for next year was teaching in Boston?  And how not a single public district had called during my search?  Yup.  It felt just *awesome* to tell them I had already accepted a job and couldn't interview...I know that I technically could, but I would feel wrong about backing out of this job now since I already have a relationship with the principal.  After I hung up the phone, I immediately burst into tears and sat sobbing in my neighbor teacher's room about how unfair things are.  I know, I was definitely acting like the youngest child baby I am--but seriously.  I was bummed.  Don't get me wrong, I am excited about my new school and new job, and I know that I am SOOOOO lucky to have had multiple offers for next year.  I don't mean to sound ungrateful and like a brat, but it's just frustrating, you know?

Definitely needed to stop for one of these on the way home after that day!

After packing my teacher life into 45 boxes and garbage bags, the couch and TLC are calling my name...Last brick of traithlon training tomorrow, better rest up!

End of the School Year, Moving Madness, and "oh my gosh where is my summer going?!?"

Ummm how is it already June 18th?!?  Is it just me, or is anyone else having anxiety about summer passing by too quickly???  I feel like just yesterday I was packing up my classroom, shoving things into boxes and cabinetes, and covering my book shelves with butcher paper...

God, the room looks depressing like this...

I realize this is irrational and silly, but I feel like summer is going to be over before I even have a chance to relax!  Since I got home from my wonderful Florida-Atlanta-Mud-fest-Snake-Terror-Beach vacation Wednesday, I have been going going going NONSTOP!  With what, you ask?  Well (drum roll.)...I am in the process of moving!  After I graduated from college in 2009 with a teaching job near my hometown, I decided to make the smart girl decision and move back in with mom and dad.  I've lived with my parents for the past two years, taking advantage of the lack of rent and living expenses to pay off my student loans, make a dent in my car payments, and save some money too.  I have liked living at home (especially since my dad started experimenting with vegetarian cooking in the past year and a half!  score!), but decided that this summer I needed to put my big girl pants on and start learning to take care of myself!

To make a long story short, I looked at a total of TWO apartments in the area and loved one so much I immediately filled out an application.  The catch was that the apartment was available IMMEDIATELY, so if I wanted it, I had to start a lease NOW.  HUH?  I wasn't planning on moving out until July or August, if not September!  I had next to NOTHING to fill an apartment with, aside from my chipped college dishes, my coffee maker, and an ABUNDANCE of martini glasses...sooo the past 3 1/2 days have basically been a frenzy of shopping (and spending buckets of money...), packing, and schleping heaps of my stuff to the apartment...it is coming together, but there is still a LOT I have to pack here at mom & dad's...and a lot of random junk I have to toss!  I'm excited though, and can't wait to show you pictures once I have all of my furniture and things are in order!!

ANYWAYS, the summer is just flying by and I haven't even blogged about the end of the school year!  OOPS!  On the second to last day of school, I started our morning with a long, quiet writing session, during which I had the students write letters to me answering a series of questions about the year.  Some of these asked about their proudest moment, their favorite activity, and the best book they read...as is ALWAYS the case when I read journals, some of their responses are too fantastic not to share...

 This year has been the best.  I wish that I could stay in 5th grade, but I have adventures to seek when I go to every other grade.

One of my favorite things about working closely with kids is the special, unique kind of relationship you form. To me, I know I'm doing my job in building relationships when kids *need* to tell me random things.  This is a perfect example... :)

HAH!  So much honesty :)

A couple that were IMPOSSIBLE to decipher from the photos I took...

My proudest moment was when we were doing family living.  It was my proudest moment because I got to find out how most of the body parts work.  Also because all of the 5th grade boys were acting mature.  That was a proud moment because we weren't acting like children.

^What can I even say... :-D

My favorite thing we did in fifth grade was writer's workshop because we got to use computers and because it was our change to become a better writer.  Writing was my favorite because when every one wanted to conference with you you tried your best to get to everyone you could.  Writing was also my favorite because you tried your best to let everyone share their creative writing.  All I want to say is that everyone writing is great.

^This one is probably my favorite.  It really captures the essence of writing workshop--everyone writing, sharing writing, and celebrating writing, as well as growing together as a COMMUNITY of writers.  This student GOT IT!  I teach for moments like this :)

I have to say, while I LOVE LOVE LOVE summer and do NOT want it to be over, I really loved. this. year.  So many negative things have been going on in my building and school wasn't so much a happy place the last few months of the year (I'll explain more later this summer...), but I loved my class.  This was the class I needed this year--after my rough 1st year, this class helped me fall in love with teaching again.  Let's hope I get lucky again next year!!! :)

School is out.  Officially.  Phew!!!  I will update another day about some of my summer goals and projects, as well as the last day of school, but for the most part I'm planning on taking a break from blog for a bit.  They say it's healthy to take a break from focusing on school 24/7. :)

What touched my heart today:

As my focus as of late has been on the frantic packing of my classroom, I'd like to share the two moments this afternoon that made the whole day so special (and almost made up for the desk-cleaning-out-hell of the afternoon...):

While I have many difficult students, there are two in particular who tend to take the cake when it comes to disruption.  Both have really great personalities and soooo much potential, and both have come so far this year.  Both also have pretty severe ADHD that makes them impulsive and at times flat out out-of-control.  Anyways, today, one of the two students brought me a small gift bag when he came into the room.  I opened it over lunch and found a glazed ceramic puppy.  (SO not my taste, but so, so, so adorable nonetheless).  When I read the card from his mother and him, I was absolutely touched to hear that the two of them had glazed it together (it looked really professional!) and fired it.  This student had also scrawled a note in the card saying, "Thanks for dealing with me."  While part of that note makes me sad, part of it for some reason I can't explain is very touching.  I will keep my little puppy statue on my bookshelf in the room next year, and always think of the adventures with this goofy student who both drives me CRAZY and makes me laugh.


Later, during my bookshelf-wrapping mania this afternoon, my classroom phone rang.  On the caller ID I saw a familiar name and number--the mother of my MOST challenging student, with whom I have spoken so many times this year I had her number memorized at one point.  Let me just take a moment to sing her praises:  While my phone calls and meetings with her have been difficult, as her son has brought me to tears more than once with his behavior struggles, she is one of the kindest, most supportive parents I have had the pleasure of meeting.  She truly wants what's best for her son, and respects me as a professional.  She is kind and easy to talk to, both taking my severe calls seriously and celebrating with me when I call for happy reasons.

Today was a happy call.  She called to thank me for the patience I have shown her son this year, and to tell me what a good teacher I have been for him.  We both rejoiced at the progress her son has made in the past few months, making almost a complete turn around (while he is no angel, he has come SO FAR).  It meant so much to me to both hear her supportive, positive comments and to celebrate with her about her son, both of our voices so filled with pride.  I know I will never forget her son and what he has taught me, but also I will never forget her.  I hope that I can be a mother like that one day: one who sees the good in her child, sees his potential for greatness, and sees the other adults in his life not as competition or under scrutiny, but allies in the fight for her child's well being.


I truly teach for moments like this:  moments of feeling that my time is appreciated, moments of celebrating my students' growth, and moments of just love love loving my job.  These boys have just about given me gray hair this year, but I am so grateful that they were in my class, as they have taught me more than they can know.

On packing, gift-wrapping, and kickball...

1. Packing

I do not like packing.  Seriously.  Packing sucks.  This week has involved a LOT of packing/cleaning as I have been figuring out how to cram all of the "things" cluttering the classroom into my closet & cabinets (thank goodness I don't have to move classrooms next year!!!  I am seriously doing a happy dance about that).  It has not been easy, but after cleaning out all of the random junk left by last year's teacher, I was magically able to create enough space in which to fit all my "stuff."  However, I can't help but already DREAD unpacking next year, as there was really no rhyme or reason to the packing and I'm certain that I'll never find half of the things again.  (As much as I dislike packing, unpacking is way worse.  I have a suitcase on my bedroom floor still from my trip to Florida.  In MARCH.  I think there are all of 3 things in it still, but honestly, I can't bring myself to finish unpacking. Yes, I know, I have problems...)  Anyways, tomorrow all I have to do is roll up my reading corner carpet, stash all my frames and knickknacks in my desk drawers, and give my room a big "see ya later!"  Feels weird, but good.  :)

2. Gift wrapping
Who knew that packing up your classroom involved gift wrapping?  Well, not gift wrapping in the truest sense of the word, but as I taped butcher block paper over my book cases and carefully folded the corners so that it was extra tight (I am not taking any chances, the books are SHOVED in there and with one false motion, who knows what might happen), I definitely felt like I was wrapping a really big, oddly shaped gift.  My mom (a true craftsy lady) always shakes her head when I produce gifts shoved in a random bag I found in the basement, or at most manage to tape some paper on a gift and write "to ____ love amy" on it in sharpie.  I am NOT exactly my mother's daughter in this area.  (seriously, I'm pretty sure at one time she used to sell fancy ribbon bows.  Her gifts are artwork.)  Anyways, this was not my favoritest of tasks today either!  But the bookshelves are all papered and taped up, ready to take on whatever befalls them during summer school and room cleaning this summer!!!

3. Kickball
Oh kickball...kickball, kickball, kickball...Okay, here it is.  With two older brothers, I SHOULD be athletic.  I SHOULD have learned to swing a bat and kick a soccer ball as a child.  I SHOULD love sports.  I don't.  This is not to say that I don't love athletic activity, fitness, and the outdoors.  On the contrary.  But while my dad used to play hockey with my brother in our driveway, we spent our time riding our bikes in the forest preserve (something we still love doing).  In elementary school I took piano lessons, not tennis.  In high school I was president of french club and in band.  (Please, please, please reserve your judgments.  Believe it or not, I actually had friends in spite of these very geeky extracurriculars)  Anyways, I have never really learned hand-eye coordination (or hand-foot coordination).  So when we had the teachers v. sixth graders kickball game today, obv I did not jump at the chance to participate.  You'd think the 23 year old teachers would be first in line, but THIS ONE SURE WASN'T!  (much to my students' disappointment)  Oooh well, maybe next year.  Mrs. J assures me that we will practice and she will have me a kickball master before next field day.  :)  Mrs. J, good luck to you.  ;)

An End in Sight!!!

T-5 1/2 days left of school, 4 1/2 days with kids...not that I'm counting or anything ;)

Don't get me wrong--I'm not counting down because I can't bear the thought of spending another day with my class.  Actually, that's not even close to accurate.  I was looking at my class today and was just in awe of how far they have come this year.  Yes, they still get too loud, forget their homework, and talk back.  As we have gotten closer and closer to June, even the "good ones" have had a little extra sass.  Yes, they make me crazy.  But I have come to love this class.  Today I was thinking about how they have been able to handle having their desks in table groups of 6, to participate in a very discussion/decision based social studies simulation, and to write for 30 minutes plus in their "wagon train" diaries, and some students ask for more time (yes, it did take a good 10 minutes to settle down and START, but once they did, they didn't want to stop).  They have come a long way.  I have come a long way.  WE have come a long way. 

I know in 5, 10, 20 years I will look back at this year as a pivotal one--they told me when I started here that if you can teach at my school, you can teach anywhere.  While I don't know about that, I do know that no matter what kind of hoodlums walk into my room next August (this year's fourth graders are quite the wild bunch...if by wild you mean completely crazy), I will be able to get through it.  I made it through this year, after all, right?  (And hopefully never again will I stay in the building until 10pm on a Tuesday, or so late on a Friday that my car gets keyed in the parking lot...)

And so, as I peeled packing tape and sticky tack off my walls today while the kids had art class, and almost broke my neck trying to detach those nifty little things that hang from drop ceiling tiles, I began to feel a sense of closure.  We have almost made it through the year.  I didn't kill anyone, the kids didn't kill each other, most of them seemed to have learned at least a few things along the way, and I managed to keep the job for next year.  All in all, that sounds something like a success, no matter how many tears were shed in the process. :)

Things to look forward to: A quiet records day tomorrow, trying out new furniture arrangements in the room Tuesday with my mentor, performing pioneer-inspired readers' theatre plays, staff end of the year party next Friday

Things I have mixed feelings about: Field Day (never really liked it even as a kid...I know, I'm THAT kid...), packing up the rest of the room

Things I am NOT looking forward to: Getting a bill for the text books my kiddos lost this year and claim are NOT at their houses (although my mentor insists this won't fall on me, I'm not so sure...it may be time to start throwing up some extra prayers to my good friend St. Anthony)

Final Countdown

I admit, I have been MIA from the blog for the past few weeks!  It seems like I go through cycles where I'll feel super pulled-together and settled into the teaching routine for a week or two, then super stressed out (and not necessarily for any good reason) for a few weeks.  After a few crazy weeks, I'm feeling incredibly relaxed right now.  It's official, it is late May and we are heading into the home stretch:  2 weeks left of school, and only 7 1/2 days actually teaching kids.  It's surreal.  A part of me can't help but think of graduation last year and all the many emotions I was feeling:  happiness to be finished with class, sadness to be leaving college, excitement to be starting my career, complete heart brokenness to be leaving my friends, and in general a beautiful peaceful feeling about coming back home.  The end of my first year teaching is bringing with it a similar ambivalence (a word I taught my fifth graders last week, and am very pleased to report that they have since been using it in class discussions).

If I had one of those giant "How are you feeling today?" posters, I would mark the following emotions:

1. Jubilant: Oh yes, I am nothing if not excited.  Excited about sleeping in, minimal work this summer (just a few hours of tutoring a week), reading at least 10 books, vacations, and in general relaxing and recovering from the stress of the year.  I am thrilled that in a matter of weeks I will never be a first year teacher again. :)

2. Frazzled:  Ohh man, the end of the year is certainly crazy.  Assemblies right and left, miscellaneous "to do" things, trying to strike a delicate balance between cramming things in to make sure they are wrapped up before the last day, and stretch other things out so we have something to DO until the last day...in short, it is crazy.  This whole year has been an exercise in flexibility for me, the eternal planner, who has had to let go of some of my rigidity and learn to go with the flow a little bit...

3. Proud:  Looking at my students' MAP scores over the past few weeks, I am overwhelmed at how far a few of them have come.  I literally get tears in my eyes thinking about a few kids and their growth.  There's the student who almost made me quit this fall because of his horrible behavior problems who (while he is no means an angel...) I now look at and think, "You have come so far.  WE have come so far," and know that I am a better teacher because of him.  Then there's the student who asked me in September if I could teach him how to use periods in his writing, and while he's hardly on his way to a Pulitzer, 9 times out of 10 he uses punctuation correctly.  I am so proud of these children.  And honestly, I am proud of myself, as cheesy as that sounds.  In November, I never thought I'd make it to the end of the year.  And here it is!!! 

4. Wistful: While I am more than ready to say goodbye to some of my students, others I find it hard to imagine teaching without them in my class (especially that handful who were all that got me coming to school again so many days in fall).  I will never forget this class--the good, the bad, and the wonderful. :)

5. Shocked:  Some days I literally cannot believe that after the rocky start to the year, not only have I managed to survive, but I actually have a job for next year still and am excited to come back. :)

6. Content: These past few days I have felt so peaceful.  While there is still more I would have liked to have done for my kids, especially a certain few extra needy ones, I really feel that I can put my stamp on the end of this year and say, "I gave it all I had, and I am happy with what I have accomplished."


7. Anticipatory:  For the past few months, I have almost constantly been thinking about things I'd like to do next year.  This year it took me months to even figure out a routine, and I am STILL figuring out so many organizational and management things.  I know that every class is different, but I keep thinking about how much easier so many things will be next year, as well as how much better I will be next year.  I'm excited to try so many new things, especially writer's workshop, and love the fact that my job has fresh starts built right into it.

The past week and a half or so has been nothing if not therapeutic for me.  Although I have been a little stressed, I've had the opportunity to spend time with some of my best friends lately, and find myself almost nightly thinking about how blessed I am.

I'll update on the end of the year festivities/chaos in the next two weeks:  records day, field day, packing up the classroom (I am STILL cleaning out stuff from its previous occupant!), and saying goodbye.