Sharing the Love

Today was a tough and frustrating day in teacher land.  Not awful, just long, exhausting, and trying.  Instead of complaining or reliving, I just wanted to share a tiny moment that was lovely today.  In college, my professors places a lot of emphasis on sharing your "reading life" with your students.  I make it a point to talk to my students about how much I love reading, the books I read at home, and how I make time to read and talk about books with friends.  Part of that, also, is sharing my favorite books with kids.  Today's little happy was passing on a personal favorite to a special kiddo:

I read this beautiful book a few months ago and this morning I passed it off to one of my girls.  Sharing books with my kids in a personal way like this (I usually leave them on their desks with a note) is one of my favorite things to do.  It takes just 2 minutes to pull a book and write a note, but recommending books to my kiddos not only encourages reading just-right books, but lets them know that they are SO special to me that I took the time to choose a special book just for them.  What better way to build relationships with your students?  Plus, just like adults, kids are more likely to read a book if someone says, "I read this!  I loved it!  I think you will too!"  Of course I let the kiddos choose their own books too, but once in awhile, this is something special.  If you don't do it, I recommend giving it a shot!

Why I cried driving home from school:

I have been meaning to write about this for the past two weeks, but have had a difficult time putting everything I'm thinking and feeling into words...While I'm still not sure I'll be able to find the right words, I figure I better at least give it a try.  This post is a little long, but please indulge me--I have a lot to say...

There are many MANY challenging students in every grade at my school.  As Mrs. Mentor Teacher says, "it's no picnic" in any of our rooms.  This year I have a wonderful class, but since August I have been writing about one student who is particularly challenging, my student who is both prone to emotional outbursts (like calling me racist with no context whatsoever), who occasionally storms out of the room/runs away, and also cannot read (at all).  He has been my biggest challenge since August, and taken up SO much of my time, working with him 1 on 1 in the classroom, at lunch, and after school, not to mention the lengthy RTI meetings...

Slightly less challenging, but also difficult at times was another student with whom I got off to a rough start, but later decided he could trust me, after which our relationship significantly improved.  I'm talking about the student who decided immediately that he didn't like me because he happened to be the only African American student at his table, who liked to lay pouting on the floor from time to time, and, oh yeah, who brought a bb gun to school.  We have had our fair share of moments as well...

All that being said, I grew to LOVE these two students over the past few months.  When I realized how much baggage they were carrying and how challenging they had the potential to be, I made it my absolute priority to earn their trust and build a strong relationship with them right off the bat.  As the principal with whom I student taught said, above all, teachers need to get their students to like them, because if a student likes you, he'll do ANYTHING for you.  I quickly realized how true that was.  And as I could see I was beginning to capture their hearts, they were absolutely capturing mine.

Coming back from winter break was like entering a completely different classroom.  You see, both of these boys moved over break.  In my building, students move constantly.  When you think about low-performing schools, not everyone realizes how difficult it is to separate income and ability.  Low-income schools by nature tend to have transient populations--families move suddenly as jobs appear and disappear, leases run out, families are forced to move in with other familiy members...the list goes on.  This means kids are pulled out of school and plopped somewhere new.  Often they miss weeks of school in between.  What does this mean?  They fall further and further behind, not to mention the added difficulty of starting an intervention program.

I'm used to kids moving.  But when I found out that slightly-less-difficult student was moving, it was like a punch in the stomach.  What?  You're kidding, I told Mr. Principal when he passed on the news.  After all our hard work building a relationship, after all the progress we'd made, he was MOVING???

Just as I began to make my peace with that, not three days later when most-challenging-student didn't show up for school on the last day before winter break, the second bomb dropped.  After a little detective work and a few calls to Mom, we found out that the family had already moved out of their house, and moved in with family in a neighboring suburb.  They are currently not enrolled in any school, and administration is still trying to get in touch with them to figure out whcih school they should be enrolling at.

I literally cried Friday (before break) when I left school, digesting this news.  This student has brought me to tears before, and not in the "I hate him so much I could quit" way.  More in the, "Your life is so sad and your heart is so good and there is so little I can do to help you" type of way.  I came to love this student this year, and grew infinitely as a professional because of him.  He is so needy, and has been through so much.  Dad's not around, mom has a questionable job that involves working nights, and he's been at school after school after school.  He had finally begun making a little growth, and we finally had an RTI program in place with plans to evaluate for an IEP after just a few more weeks of data were collected.  We had truly bonded.

And then he moved.  What's going to happen to him? I keep wondering.  Actually, I'm almost certain I know what's going to happen to him...and that's the scary part.  No matter how hard the teachers at his new school will work, he will likely move again, and again.  He will fall even further behind, and eventually become so frustrated that he can neither read nor add that he will drop out of school.  He will likely join a gang, and then...who knows.  It is literally tearing me to pieces.  I love this child.  I did everything I could for him while he was in my room, and it was nowhere near enough, and nowhere near what he needed.  And now he's gone, and I can't do anymore.

And while my classroom was more orderly and quiet today, while no one talked back or needed my constant undivided attention, it felt...empty.  The rational part of me says that this will mean I can spend so much more time with my other low learners who got lost in the shuffle before.  And that's true.  But...somehow that just doesn't make me feel better.

Love & Logic In Action

A few of my students like to wear their jackets all day long.  This kind of annoys me, but since the primary culprits are a few of my tougher students, it is a battle I typically don't choose.  Today I decided to throw some Love & Logic at it...

(Remember, this is relaxed and smiling through the whole conversation, in true Love & Logic form)

Me: "I noticed you're wearing your jacket.  Why is that?"
Student: "I like my jacket!  And it's cold in here."
Me: "I'm glad you like your jacket!  I like my jacket too.  But it's not really appropriate to wear in school.  Do you think you could hang it up?"
Student: "But it's cold in here!"
Me: "It is a little chilly, but I just turned the temperature up."
Student: "But..."
Me: "Would you mind hanging it up?  Just for me?" (Bigger smile)
Student: "Well..."
Me: "Thanks." (Smile, walk away)
Student: [goes to hang up jacket immediately without another word]

BAM.  Thank YOU Fay & Funk!

source

There was a little Love & Logic later on in my day too...
I got pretty rotten sub reports for the 6 student reading intervention group I run at the end of the day when we break up the students across the grade...There are a few unruly kiddos in that group!  One STORMED into my room at 2:00, sat down, and literally sat grumbling and grimacing to himself.

I walked over with a GIGANTIC smile and exclaimed, "[Student]!  I'm so glad to see you!  I've missed you the past few days."
Student: "Thank goodness you're here." (aka thank goodness another sub isn't here because I might EXPLODE!!!)
Me: "I'm glad I'm here too!  You seem a little upset.  Could you help me get the materials set up?"
Student and I walk over to the shelf to grab the bin of intervention materials.
Me: "You seem pretty upset.  What's going on?"
Student: (getting worked up and beginning to sputter) "Yeah, I am, well, Mrs. Teacher lied to us FOUR TIMES today, she, she..."
Me: "Wow, that's pretty awful.  Take a deep breath.  Listen, I haven't been here all week, right?"
Student: "Right."
Me: "So, remember, I haven't done anything to be mad about, right?"
Student: "Yeah."
Me: "Okay, so you're not mad at me.  That's great.  Listen, why don't we sit and talk for a minute?"

I sit down with him and tell him about being home sick.  Pretty dull, but kids love to hear about their teachers' lives.  Especially really needy kids.  Like putty in my hand...

Me: "So, I can tell you're still a little frustrated.  But remember, you're not in trouble in here.  So let's just have a fresh start for Intervention.  Can we do that?"
Student: "Okay."
Me: "Great.  I'm going to bring the books over to our group and get started.  Feel free to sit here as long as you like.  When you're ready to join the group, come on over."

Before I became a Love & Logic convert, I might have thought he'd sit there for the entire 45minute block, taking advantage of me.  Or that it was inappropriate to not immediately side with his teacher.  Or that I should get on him right away about starting his work or entering the classroom appropriately.

All so untrue.  In fact, he came over to the group about 2 minutes later, sat down, and started working immediately.  He started to get upset again, remembering the conflict he'd had with his teacher, but all I needed to do was look at him and calmly say, "Hey, remember, you're not in trouble in this room.  Fresh start, okay?"  and he immediately relaxed.  Kids like this one need MANY things, but most of all, they need to be shown that you care about them.  They need to be heard, and know that you like them.  This student needed to know that I wasn't mad at him.  It doesn't ALWAYS work, but it works just often enough that it is SO worth it.

Journals

During one of my MANY summer brainstorming sessions spent pondering the question, "What should I do differently this year to make sure it sucks less than last year?" (okay that's a little dramatic, last year hardly sucked!  it was just a little rough!), I entertained the idea of starting my mornings with journal writing instead of morning worksheets.  I'm not a big busy work person, but I started having the kids do a morning work page as soon as they came in very morning because it settled them down, got the class quiet and in work-mode, and gave me a minute to check in hw, greet the kids, etc.  Anyways, when I was reinventing the Daily 3 this summer and trying to come up with more options for the Work on Writing piece, Mrs. J suggested I try morning journal writing.  That way, the kids would always have the option of continuing an entry during Work on Writing, and would also be in a stronger writing routine.  I decided to go for it and compiled a list of about 100+ prompts from various locations.

I typically have the kiddos write a letter to me about their weekends Monday morning, a miscellaneous prompt Tuesday and Thursday, (Wednesdays we do DOL instead) and write on a prompt connected to our weekly literacy theme Friday mornings.  This weekend, I took home a crate of journals to peruse.  I have collected them a few times previously, but hadn't for about two weeks.  The prospect of reading and responding to entries in 24 journals was a bit daunting..I don't reply to every prompt, but I do read them all and try to respond to the ones that really show their best effort especially.

As exhausting as it is to respond to that many journal entries (I know, shame on me for waiting too long to collect them, but there are always SO MANY other things on my mind at the end of the day...), I am SO GLAD I am doing the journals this year.  It's amazing how much I learn about my students from some of their entries, and I feel like it's a great opportunity to build relationships.  Also, I found a few true "gems" among the journals:

Fabulous student entry 1:
One of my girls, in response to the prompt, "Something that bugs me is..." wrote about her older brother.  She told me that her brother bugs her because he will always put on his "Jason mask" and sneak up on her and her friends when they are playing.  I almost DIED laughing because that sounds EXACTLY like the way my older brother used to bug me!  Actually, it was the Freddy Kreuger mask that really got to me...I mean seriously, I'm 10 years old, I turn around, and THIS GUY is standing behind me, knife-claw and all.  SCARY.  Anyways, I loved writing back to her and telling her about MY brother and how he used to love to bug me. :)

Fabulous Student Entry 2:
In response to the same prompt (Something that bugs me is...), one of my "diva-ish" girls wrote the following entry:

In case you can't read it, it reads, "Something that really bugs me is boys.  Boys bug me because they think they know everything.  They think that they are smarter than girls.  And they think that they are tougher than a girl.  And last but not least, they think they are cooler than girls.  Then they say that they're richer than girls.  The next day they will be asking us for money because they want to buy something."

:-D I was DYING laughing!!!  You go, girl :)

In any case, I am loving the journals.  Today I implemented a new system though to avoid getting bogged down with the journals on the weekends.  I'm collecting journals from 1 team every day, and two teams on Thursdays (my stay-late day).  Ex. Monday collect team 1, Tuesday team 2, etc.  I figure this way I will have less to respond to at a time, less to cart around with me, and most importantly, I'll be able to spend more time reading and responding since I won't be overwhelmed.  I hope I am able to keep up with them!

What they remember

There is a saying, "People will forget what you say, but they will never forget how you made them feel." I believe this is unbelievably true when it comes to students. I don't know why it still surprises me, but I am always partially shocked when my students don't retain information I gave them just days (or in some cases seconds) earlier. That's partly why teachers spend so much time and energy making lessons memorable and relatable. That's us saying, "PLEASE still remember this by the time ISAT tests roll around, I beg you!!!"

Anyways, I was thinking today about a couple memories I still have from elementary school. Honestly, my whole family makes fun of me for having the memory of an elephant--i remember trivial, inconsequential things from as young as age 3. I have lots of school related memories, but it's interesting when I think about why some little moments stand out in my mind years later. For example, I vividly remember how, when I lost a tooth at school in first grade, my teacher let me stand on a chair at her closet so I could see my new toothless smile in the mirror that was mounted inside her closet door. I felt so special. Also, I remember my second grade teacher who, when I told her I liked to save the stickers she put on my worksheets to put in my sticker book at home, would save me the backings off of sticker sheets so I could safely transport my stickers home. Sometimes, she would even leave a couple little stickers on the sheet for me to keep. :) what a special treat.

These are two incredibly tiny acts, but here I am, 23 years old, and I still remember. I remember how my first grade teacher understood how important it is for 7 year olds to be able to see how their smile looks minus 1 tooth RIGHT AWAY. I remember how my second grade teacher knew that a little thing like saving little sheets of coated paper could make an eight year old's whole day. And thinking about these special teacher moments, I realize more than ever that it's the little every day acts that sometimes have the biggest effects on students. Every teacher secretly hopes that she'll be the one to "save" the troubled child, or "turn around" the child with behavior problems. But really, sometimes it's those little things we do to show we care that kids remember.

Keeping this in mind, I'm going to make a special effort this week to connect on a personal level with each of my students and make them feel special, even if just in some little way.

My Rotten Brother

This year I have a lot of goals for myself, but one of the biggest ones is to implement Writing Workshop instead of the more traditional writing instruction I engaged in last year.  I wrote last week about the sweet lesson I taught on the first day of school, and I am still loving it as much as I did that day.
It's been a little challenging to just change my perceptions of what a writing block SHOULD be, because during these first weeks I'm not even reading the kids' work or conducting writing conferences yet.  What I'm doing is teaching Ideas lesson after Ideas lesson, getting the kids to start a bunch of different pieces so that they will be able to go back to the ones they like later.

Anyways, my penchant for picture books is no secret.  They are one of the few reasons I ever wonder if I'm teaching the right grade...but then I remember that picture books are not just for 6 year olds.  In fact, I enjoy reading them to older kids even more because there are so many messages in the good ones that are way over the little ones' heads.  One of my absolute favorite picture book authors is Patricia Polacco.  I was first captivated by her when my sixth grader teacher read us Pink and Say, then revisited her again in college when my methods ed teacher introduced us to Thank You, Mr. Falker, a book that chokes my up every time I read it.  In fact, many of Polacco's books get me all choked up.  Part of what touches me most is that her stories are all (or almost all) inspired by memories from her childhood.  In any case, I love sharing them with children.

This week I read aloud a favorite of mine: My Rotten Redheaded Older Brother.  Anyone who knows me knows that my brothers are very special people in my life.  The three of us rarely get to spend time altogether, as not only are we all busy people, but one brother lives in Florida.  However, that doesn't change the fact that when we are together, it's nothing but fun (with some teasing thrown in of course).  They are my heroes and role models. Anyways, Redheaded Brother is a special book to me.  In the story, 'Tricia and her bother Richie do nothing but fight.  He always wants to be better from her, constantly teases her, and she feels like she will never have anything that's all her own.  Typical younger sister complex. :)  In the end of the story, Tricia has an accident at the carnival and hits her head when she falls off a carousel.  Richie ends up carrying her all the way home, then runs all the way to the doctor to bring him to her.  It's a beautiful story.

I paused half-way through the story (when Richie still seemed like a big jerk) and asked my students to raise their hand if they have a "rotten sibling" at home, or if THEY are sometimes the "rotten sibling."  I told them a story about my Rotten Older Brother from childhood.  My oldest brother used to torment me when he was left "in charge" as the babysitter when our parents went out.  I have one vivid memory of a time when I was crying from missing mom & dad, and his plan to stop me from crying was to take my precious teddy bear Fred and put him on top of the ceiling fan.  He threatened to, if I didn't stop crying, turn on the fan and chop my bear to pieces.  Obviously an effective way to stop me from crying...

Anyways, my students giggled and grinned as I dramatically told that story.  Then, during "Writing Time" I sat and wrote the rest of it.  The next day, I shared it with them and they helped me restructure it.  While certainly most of a teacher's time during Writing Workshop should be spent in conferences and helping struggling writers, don't underestimate the value of writing along with your students.  Not only does it help form those precious relationships, but it sets a wonderful example for them, and it's just plain fun.  I promised I will tell them more stories about my "Rotten Brother" (who's not rotten at all anymore!) soon.

When a conversation really does help:

After my last post, I spent the entire evening frustrated about what that student had said about me and our class. I know I promised myself I wouldn't do that anymore--allow a ten year old to get to me, and bring my emotions home to ruminate on like that--but I couldn't help it.  It wasn't the behavior that was bugging me, it was that one comment about the seating arrangement.  I had kind of a, "How dare he?" complex about it...

Anyways, I pulled him into the classroom a little early in the morning and we had a long, calm talk.  And it was actually really positive.  I told him, in true Love & Logic form, "This is your chance to let me know what you're having a problem with and what you don't like in the classroom.  I can't promise I can change everything, but I can explain some things, and hopefully we can come up with a solution to others."  And we actually did come up with a few ideas.  I explained to him that I placed him with the kids at his team because I value his leadership skills.  Sure enough, the rest of the day he was stepping up and helping the kids at his team, even going above and beyond in math to help the boy at his table who constantly struggles.  It was beautiful.

I was SHOCKED though at one piece of information he shared with me during our conversation.  I sensed that he had a complex that I was a "mean teacher" before the year even started, and now I found out why.  It turned out that one of the quiet, just slides by with bare minimum but doesn't cause any trouble, kids from last year told him that I was "really mean to [student] last year," referring to my behavior problem student who constantly had melt downs and needed to be escorted to the office on a daily basis.  My jaw DROPPED.  I cannot believe it that that student is STILL following me around causing me problems, unintentional or not!

I explained some of the things that that student had done in class on a regular basis (throwing things, bullying kids, yelling and screaming, laying on the floor and not working, and talking back), and calmly explained that while I liked him and cared about him, there are consequences for any student who chooses to behave that way.  My goodness.  I never thought I would have to explain why there are consequences for incredibly disruptive, defiant behavior!!!

Anyways, it was a good day with this student after that talk.  Which goes to show you, while it might feel silly to talk to a ten year old like they're an adult, sometimes it really works.  Some kids just need to be shown that you value their opinions and see them as a real person with real things to say.  I'm sure our differences are not settled, but at least we are off to a better start to the year!

Might seem like small potatoes, but...

First week down, and here's how I know we're on the right track:

• The kids knew exactly what to do when they came into the classroom this morning
• They also knew exactly what to do after lunch
• When I took them out for an afternoon recess, they started lining up IMMEDIATELY when I raised my hand as the "time to go back inside" signal
• The floor was clean at the end of the day again today
• Everyone turned in their homework 
• They paid attention and giggled through a 2-chapter read aloud from Sideways Stories from Wayside School (I could barely have last year's group sit together on the carpet because they'd always be "bothering each other")

Here's how I know I'm doing my job:

• When I told one kid I still hadn't seen the Diary of a Wimpy Kid movie, he told me he owned it and offered to bring it in so I could borrow it
• I got a paper cut during lunch time and had two students in the room making up some homework.  One is a student who I know will be a challenge this year.  He has had a great first week, but I know that he has some emotional problems and has had both a tough life and a history of behavior problems (the latter being due to the former).  Anyway, as I was grabbing myself a band-aid, this student looked up from his work and asked, plain and simple, "Is it okay?"

^That may not seem like much, but it made my entire day.  This child has been at 8 schools in the past 5 years, comes in late frequently and occasionally stays home for no reason other than that he doesn't have a family supportive enough to make sure he's in school, and I'm sure has a million other things going on that neither can I understand or imagine.  And he's making sure my paper cut is okay.  3 simple words that show we are on our way to building a relationship.  I teach for moments like this.

This is going to be a good year.

And now I'm off to lay on my bed and read, all I want to do (other than sleep) this entire weekend... :)

What touched my heart today:

As my focus as of late has been on the frantic packing of my classroom, I'd like to share the two moments this afternoon that made the whole day so special (and almost made up for the desk-cleaning-out-hell of the afternoon...):

While I have many difficult students, there are two in particular who tend to take the cake when it comes to disruption.  Both have really great personalities and soooo much potential, and both have come so far this year.  Both also have pretty severe ADHD that makes them impulsive and at times flat out out-of-control.  Anyways, today, one of the two students brought me a small gift bag when he came into the room.  I opened it over lunch and found a glazed ceramic puppy.  (SO not my taste, but so, so, so adorable nonetheless).  When I read the card from his mother and him, I was absolutely touched to hear that the two of them had glazed it together (it looked really professional!) and fired it.  This student had also scrawled a note in the card saying, "Thanks for dealing with me."  While part of that note makes me sad, part of it for some reason I can't explain is very touching.  I will keep my little puppy statue on my bookshelf in the room next year, and always think of the adventures with this goofy student who both drives me CRAZY and makes me laugh.


Later, during my bookshelf-wrapping mania this afternoon, my classroom phone rang.  On the caller ID I saw a familiar name and number--the mother of my MOST challenging student, with whom I have spoken so many times this year I had her number memorized at one point.  Let me just take a moment to sing her praises:  While my phone calls and meetings with her have been difficult, as her son has brought me to tears more than once with his behavior struggles, she is one of the kindest, most supportive parents I have had the pleasure of meeting.  She truly wants what's best for her son, and respects me as a professional.  She is kind and easy to talk to, both taking my severe calls seriously and celebrating with me when I call for happy reasons.

Today was a happy call.  She called to thank me for the patience I have shown her son this year, and to tell me what a good teacher I have been for him.  We both rejoiced at the progress her son has made in the past few months, making almost a complete turn around (while he is no angel, he has come SO FAR).  It meant so much to me to both hear her supportive, positive comments and to celebrate with her about her son, both of our voices so filled with pride.  I know I will never forget her son and what he has taught me, but also I will never forget her.  I hope that I can be a mother like that one day: one who sees the good in her child, sees his potential for greatness, and sees the other adults in his life not as competition or under scrutiny, but allies in the fight for her child's well being.


I truly teach for moments like this:  moments of feeling that my time is appreciated, moments of celebrating my students' growth, and moments of just love love loving my job.  These boys have just about given me gray hair this year, but I am so grateful that they were in my class, as they have taught me more than they can know.

To the student I worry about:

To the student I worry about (or one of the many),

Today I wanted to have lunch, just you and I, because I worry about you.  You are so sweet and have so much potential.  Smart, sweet, outgoing.  Ever since you told me about your goal of becoming a fashion designer and showed me your notebook of clothes designs, I have adored you.  But so often, I look at you and worry that, in a few years, you will choose the wrong path.  You haven't had an easy life, and don't have the kind of role models at home that you need.  When you are faced with choices between school and parties, homework and drugs, studying and boys, I worry that you will get caught up in the things that I pray so hard you stay away from.  You are already boy-crazy as a fifth grader--what will you be like at 13?  16?  18? 

So today I wanted to have lunch to have a talk about you.  I hope you were listening when I asked you about your goals and your fashion line.  I hope you heard me when I said I believe in you and am excited to buy an outfit designed by you at the mall one day.  And I hope it stuck with you when I talked about the different things that can sometimes get in the way of our dreams--boys, boys, boys.  Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with boys.  But I hope you heard me when I told you not to compromise any of your dreams for them.  I hope you listened when I told you that I have never let boys get in the way of MY dreams, and that I never plan to.

I hope you remember what I told you today come next year, and the next year, and the next year...

Love,
Miss Teacher

Could this be progress?

Since my posts for the past weeks have all been related to a certain troubled (and troubling...) student, I'd like to share one positive moment from yesterday.  I have let this student and his mother know that he is allowed to bring gum to school (in a desperate attempt to calm his sensory-seeking body and focus his mind).  Yesterday, he showed me in the morning the pack of stride gum he had brought.  He asked if I liked it, and I told him that I usually chew orbit gum and hadn't really tried stride very much.  He offered me a piece!  I asked if I could wait until lunch time and he said "sure."  Then, at lunch, he came over to my desk and handed me a piece of gum.  A big smile materialized on my face.  It was the highlight of my day

I know it may seem small, but this is the child who made it his personal mission the past few days to derail my entire lesson, distract his whole class, and make me insanely angry.  He knows exactly how to make me angry, and has no restraint in doing so.  Then yesterday, he gave me a piece of gum.  While I know this act does not mean our difficult relationship is over and his behavior will be angelic from now on, I appreciated so much this reminder that this child is not evil.  He does not hate me.  He is capable of being civil and kind.  I needed so much this reminder that he is just a little boy and we really do have a relationship.  The problems with his behavior are so much deeper than me or my classroom, and sometimes when he's acting out of control, he really is feeling out of control.  How scary it must be for him to, some days, feel like he can't control his body or his words or his emotions.  How frustrating it must be for him to melt down and then go the rest of the day knowing that he made a mistake and not be able to turn himself around.  How sad it must be to think somedays that I hate him.  I don't hate him.  I hate this behavior.

When he gave me a piece of gum, it was the reminder I needed that this child is really just that: a child.  He needs me and looks up to me.  He offered me a piece of gum.  He didn't offer any to the other students, but to me, the teacher who he has terrorized all week.  And even though I really hate cinnamon gum, I accepted it and pretended it was the best gum I had ever tasted.  And it kind of was.

Gum is not the magic fix to all that's going on with this student, unfortunately.  But I know we will get through this.

highs and lows: made it through another week!

I made it through another week :) And things did get better as the week went on. This will just be a brief recap because it's after midnight (I can hardly remember the days when I used to stay up until 4 or 5...), and I'm getting sick. Thanks, kids. Thanks.

Anyways. Monday was a tough day. One of my challenging students gave me hell all morning and then when I kept him in at lunch to discuss, snapped at me and really just pissed me off. During lunch I almost cried and seriously didn't want to go back to my classroom. Then, the kids were crazy chatty and that was about the last straw. Thankfully, Mrs. J helped me come up with a new seating arrangement, a new motivating behavior plan, and a new perspective. My kids now have table names (peace in different languages--the goal is a "peaceful classroom," but we'll start with that!) and earn table points. So far it is highly motivating. Let's hope it lasts! Miss R (school miss r, not iwu) and I enjoyed some much needed margaritas and chips at our friendly neighborhood Chili's and vented about school and the kids for a good hour and a half after we finally left the building. As much as I hate complainers, I'm realizing how absolutely necessary it is to just vent once in a while with someone who truly understands what you are going through. I swear, if I didn't have another first year teacher in the building who is feeling just as lost as me most of the time, I would lose it.

Well, Tuesday I came in with high hopes and high expectations. Thankfully, the new system helped, and we proceeded to have a great rest of the week. The fish didn't die, I didn't have pink eye afterall, and I made it through with no more tears. Just the regular old stress, perfectionism, and emotionalness that this teaching thing makes me feel! I even survived curriculum night! Thank goodness my school decided to shake things up this year and turn curriculum night into a student-led scavenger hunt through the classroom and building rather than a teacher presentation that so often turns into a parent interrogation. The night was fun and the parents were nice. Phew!
Some highs and lows from the week:

Highs:
-a curriculum night that actually turned out to be a lot of fun
-surviving Friday's "soft lockdown" (thanks, escaped prisoner who hijacked a car on the street next door to my school!) with no significant problems
-the fish NOT dying!!! (note to self: model, model, model the correct procedures for feeding the fish...)
-having the kids love the new book bins that we set up for them this week and seeing how excited they were to discover new books
-some of the kids actually doing really well on their math tests yesterday--no tears while grading! yay!
-finally making it down to the teachers lounge for lunch a couple days this week
-having my student show me the correct way to "finger skateboard" (see right) and having the kids cheer when I correctly executed a "trick"
-grading some really beautiful letters in reading response journals today about my students' "something beautiful"
-Introducing Daily 5 read to self and having it go AMAZINGLY (to be blogged about soon!)
-dancing the Cupid Shuffle with the class--best "stretch break" ever.

Lows:

-Monday (and almost everything about it)
-writing up one of my kids for the third time
-feeling about one step behind everyone on my team all the freaking time
-getting to school at 5:45 one morning last week, and still be scrambling at the bell to have my act together
-leaving school Wednesday and Thursday right away to go do autism therapy/babysit, and coming BACK to school after, not to leave again until 8pm...
-getting this cold...

Let's hope next week is even less stressful...*fingers crossed*