"Reach for it, work for it, and fight for it."

Hope is not blind optimism. It's not ignoring the enormity of the task ahead, or the roadblocks that stand in our path. It's not sitting on the sidelines or shirking from a fight. Hope is that thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us if we have the courage to reach for it, work for it, and fight for it.

Barack Obama

I had a long conversation with the school social worker Friday afternoon, mostly strategizing about handling the student that has consumed so many blog posts.  She also reminded me to be consistently checking my emotions, and focusing on what I need to do at that moment to keep myself from getting too frustrated, too emotional, or just too burned out. 

During the course of this conversation, she told me about her first post-grad job.  She was working in a residential home for disturbed youth (teenagers I believe) and she said that after her first day on the job, she went home to the apartment she had JUST moved into and called her parents, begging them to come pick her up and take her back home.  There were too many things wrong and, as she said, "Of course I insisted that none of them were my fault."  She said her mom calmly told her, "This is what you're going to do.  You're going to get down on your knees and pray.  Then tomorrow, you are going to go to work.  And the next day you're going to go to work.  And you're going to keep going to work." 

After awhile, she realized that it wasn't just them, it was her too.  She had a lot more to learn, and described that job as one of the best learning experiences of her life.  Not only did it give her the tools to deal with countless future occupational challenges, but it gave her the emotional experience and strength to persevere through all the challenges her career would offer. 

So for the next week, I'm going to follow this advice.  I'm going to go into work every day and get down on my knees every night to pray for the strength to keep going.  I am going to remember that I am as much accountable for my actions and emotions as I expect this student to be.  I am going to give myself a fresh start each day, just as I will give him.  And after winter break, I will come back to school and do the same thing every single day.  Because when you something is worth it, you don't give up.

 A few weeks ago, I wrote in a blog post of absolute frustration and despair, "Something, anything has to change here."  Tonight I'm realizing that that something has to be my attitude.  I may not be able to change this child, but if I don't change the way I feel about this situation, I WILL never make it through this year.  Instead, I can accept that, yes, he is going to be disruptive.  But I can ignore disruptions.  Yes, he is going to be disrespectful.  But I can accept and ignore the disrespect and offer back only firmness and positivity.  Yes, he is going to test boundaries.  But I am capable of passing those tests.  Eventually, we will grow and move on. (I emphasize the we here).  For this week, though, this will be enough.

Finally, I am going to remember, "despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us if we have the courage to reach for it, work for it, and fight for it."

letter to my teacher

Last week, I was talking with another teacher friend, Mme H. (prof de francais excellente!), about whether or not, when we think back to our years of school, we have that one teacher that stands out as the one who inspired us to teach, or the one that changed our lives. While I would have liked to tell her about that special teacher, I couldn't think of one. Neither could Mme H. I have had wonderful teachers in school, but the ones who have impacted me most definitely came in college. However, tonight I realized that, although she did not inspire me to teach, I was lucky enough to know one special teacher from ages 7-18, and this teacher did change my life. She was my piano teacher, Mrs. N. I was planning on writing a blog here about how special she was to me, but I think I'd rather write it as though it is a letter to her.

Dear Mrs. N.,

It's Miss Teacher, your former piano student. Do you remember me? I wanted to write you this note to tell you some exciting news: I'm going to be a teacher next year! As I've been preparing for the upcoming year, I've found myself musing over some of the great teacher's I've had in my life.

Mrs. N., while you were not my classroom teacher and I didn't see you every day, you are one of the teachers that most touched my life. After studying piano with you for ten years, I have so many vivid memories of my lessons. You made piano fun by helping me pick music I already loved and challenging me with music you knew I was capable of playing. You listened when I was frustrated with a piece. You never cringed when it was bad, but helped me improve. When I absolutely hated a piece of music, you know that sometimes it was okay to let me move on to something different--you understood that not every student needs to play the exact same thing.

Mrs. N., piano lessons with you made me fall absolutely in love with music. Music was such a defining part of my childhood and young adulthood, and I am so grateful to you for helping me develop that love early on. From Billy Joel to Broadway, Debussy to the Disney Princess Collection, you knew that by playing what I loved, I would love playing.

I have so many wonderful memories of the non-music parts of my lessons, too. You always knew when I had something special going on at home or school, and I remember excitedly showing you my pictures from Homecomings and Proms. You knew that sometimes those parts of lessons were as important as working on my music. You did what so many teachers wish they could do, or don't even know that they should: you learned who I was as a student and as a person, both accepted me and challenged me, and showed me that you cared. Mrs. N., I hope that someday I can teach my students the way you taught me. I hope that I can inspire them and share my love for learning with them, as you shared your love for piano with me. And finally, I hope that I can make my students feel as special as you made me feel every week for ten years. I will never be able to thank you enough.

With Respect, Gratitude, and Love,
Miss Teacher