What's Going On With My Legs...

Or, Injury one million and one and the big epiphanies and decisions it’s inspired.

(Side Note: Remember to enter my GIVEAWAY!)

Dear Legs,

 I love you.  I really do.  I know it might not always seem like it.  I know I ask you to do crazy things like run 10 miles in a row.  I know I subject you to lengthy foam rolling sessions.  I know I am constantly pummeling you with my fists to get the knots out of your muscles.  I know you’re tired and not so happy with me these days.  But I promise I love you.  Will you please please please get better?  It would make me really happy.

 Love,

     Miss Teacher

Sooo here’s the thing.  I’m injured.  Again.  I KNOW.  You’re probably getting sick of seeing pictures of my legs with ice packs and frozen vegetables saran wrapped to them.  I’m sick of seeing that too.  Needless to say, I’m more than a little frustrated…but yesterday I wrote about choices, and how I am both choosing to think positive and choosing to do the right thing for my body.  So I will attempt to stick by that while talking about what’s new in the land of my aching body…(this is crazy long, so feel free to skip to the end if you’d rather not read a play-by-play of my life as a perpetually injured runner!)  Here’s a little background on my running history…

My Training & MISTAKES:

I ran on and off throughout college, going through phases of running more and less frequently.  I NEVER pushed myself for more than about 2 or 3 miles at a time, and I was okay with that.  Last summer (2010) I started running again with more consistency and decided I wanted to train for the Disney Princess Half-Marathon in February 2011.  I ran a few 5Ks before getting a stress fracture in my right tibia that immediately halted my running.  (I’m still not sure what caused this stress fracture since my mileage was really low, and I hadn’t been doing anything different with running than I’d done previously…)  This injury took a LONG time to heal, and I wasn’t back running again until the end of November. (Unfortunately, I did NOT keep up cross-training during this time…oops.)

After my stress fracture healed, I returned to running and IMMEDIATELY began half-marathon training.  I did not take the time to ease back into running or build up a solid running base at a low mileage before increasing my distances dramatically.  While I took adequate rest days, cross trained, and stretched religiously during training, I experienced a LOT of issues with calf cramping and muscle knots during this time, especially as I increased my distances past 7 miles.  During the Disney Princess Half-Marathon, I began experiencing CRIPPLING IT band/knee pain around mile 7.  I made it through the end of the race with a LOT of walking and quite a bit of pain. :-/  

 

I took a few weeks off running and took it easy when I started returning again.  I ran about 6 miles a week for my first weeks back to running in April.  After I started feeling better, guess what.  I IMMEDIATELY started training for the Rock ‘n’ Roll half-marathon.  Training went really well at first, but after the first few weeks and my first 6 mile long run, both of my IT bands tightened up LIKE CRAZY and stopped me cold again.  I worked on them using the foam roller and stepped back for a couple weeks while I re-built up stamina.  After a few weeks, I started Physical Therapy for the IT bands and was feeling GREAT.  I ran my 7 mile long run, and a 15K (9.3mi) race two weekends in a row.  Guess what?  A few days later my IT bands were, you guessed it, tightening up AGAIN and causing lots of knee pain.  I had to skip my long run entirely the following week because of pain. 

After a few days off, I got back into it last week and ran my 10 mile long run this past Sunday.  It went great!  But…the next day I was in PAIN.  My inner calf muscles (right along the tibia just a few inches above the ankle) have always been a problem—they’re the reason why I rock my HOT compression sleeves all the time—and they were super tight/knotty/painful Monday.  Letting my Type A personality get me carried away, I AGGRESSIVELY dug into them with my fingers, knuckles, and foam roller to try to break up the knots along the tibia.  I also got a deep tissue massage.  The next morning (Tuesday), I tried to run and had to stop after just a mile due to hip/IT discomfort and awful tibia pain.  I convinced myself that I had another tibial stress fracture and worked myself into an all-out hysterical frenzy by the time I walked the mile back to my car.  I’m talking tears, the works. 

Note to Self: Chill Out on the Self-Massage for now...

The Breakdown:

I’m sick of being injured.  I felt like I was following everyone’s advice: running only 3 days a week, increasing mileage 10% a week, taking rest days, stretching, icing, protein recovery drinks, calcium/magnesium supplements, etc. etc. etc.  Yet here I was injured again.  It wasn’t even so much a matter of being upset about the possibility of dropping out of my upcoming half-marathon as much as it was a devestation that maybe running is just not something I can do.  I was a wreck.  Major shout out to College Friend for consoling me on the phone and not making fun of me for having a reaction to running injury similar to others’ reactions to a death.  After calming down, I took the day and evening to reflect.  I looked back through my running log and thought hard about running, training, my goals, and what’s important to me.  

The Epiphanies:

Epiphany #1:  I suck at injury recovery and building a running base.

As I illustrated above, I jumped into both of my attempts at half-marathon training immediately after injuries and without building ANY sort of running base.  Yes, I’d run before, but both times I hadn’t been running at all before beginning training and dramatically increasing mileage.  Oops.

Epiphany #2: Running is more important to me than this race.

This is the big one.  A few weeks ago, I would have been devastated about missing this half-marathon.  I would have told you that, one way or another, I’d be crawling across that finish line.  Today, I’m feeling a lot differently.  When I was crying to College Friend, I sobbed to her that I just *love* running and, more than anything at else, just want to be able to run.  That’s all.  (That’s why the possibility of another stress fracture is pretty upsetting—stress fracture = no running AT ALL for at least 6 weeks, but probably longer…)  I decided that this race is just ONE RACE.  I want to be able to run for my LIFETIME, not ruin my body over 1 race when I’m 24. 

The Decision:

Since I have no way of knowing if my tibia is freaking out right now because of a stress fracture or because I got a little too carried away with my aggressive massage (seriously, it was BRUISED the next day…I know, I’m crazy), I’m resting and cross training right now.  My physical therapist suspects I don’t have a stress fracture because I have been able to do our strength exercises including leg press with no pain, and I passed the “hop test” (hop on one foot; if you can come down on the foot without pain upon impact, you probably don’t have a sfx).  But there is no way of knowing for sure quite yet—my primary care doctor had me wait for a few weeks last time before he would order an MRI, the best way of diagnosing a sfx since they don’t typically show up on a traditional xray.  So, right now I’m biking, swimming, continuing to strengthen, and all-around taking it easy.

When I return to running, it will NOT be immediately picking up a training plan.  I plan to take some time to gradually build a solid running base of maybe 6-8 miles a week before I move up from there.  As much as I love distance and racing, I want to remember what it’s like to run pain-free.  (What a concept!)  I want my legs and body to be STRONG before I ask that they start increasing distances.  When I DO start training for another half (which I have no doubt that I will, hopefully sooner than later, but that all depends on what this injury really is), I will follow the longest half training plan in existence.  My body just needs reeeeeally slow increases in mileage, it turns out.  And I’m okay with that.

At the end of the day, running is more important to me than any one race, and my body and health are more important to me than anything.  It’s time to stop making excuses, stop wallowing, and stop being a Stupid Runner.  I’m going to make SMART decisions regarding my running and my body from now on. 

When have you been a "stupid runner"?

How do you deal with injury?

The wallow stops HERE.

I've been a little bit MIA lately with blogging...I could lie to you and say it was because I am super busy and productive...but I'm positive you would somehow find out that I was the LAZIEST of the lazies this past weekend.  Seriously.  I watched like 20 episodes of Glee between Friday and yesterday.  It got kind of out of hand...but I just HAD to see the next episode!!  Fabulous Big Brother let me "borrow" his Hulu Plus login to catch up on season 2, and I wasted NO TIME powering through the entire season.  SO. GOOD.  I loved it!

I'm not gonna lie, my absence of posting and ultimate laziness has been fueled in part by the fact that I have been in a state of wallowing since my IT bands started acting up again like crazy.  (My calf muscles are a bit knotty too to tell ya the truth...but I'll take that ANY DAY over the IT bands...)  I've decided though that ENOUGH IS ENOUGH with wallowing.  I can still do many things, this could be so so so much worse, I've had worse injuries before, blah blah blah.  So anyways.  I'm snapping myself outta this stat.  My legs are feeling MARGINALLY better though after loooong sessions of foam rolling.  I even made it through 3 miles yesterday with minimal pain/discomfort which is HUGE.  My knees/legs still feel off though, so I know something is still not right...we'll see what the doctor says Friday...

In any case, yesterday afternoon I celebrated my first sunscreen run of the season.  Yay!  I wear sunscreen on my face every day religiously, but yesterday was the first day I was heading out that I felt like I could just start sizzling immediately.  Fact: I fail epically at using spray-on sunscreen.  I always decide that I am super capable of spraying my own back, totally miss, and end up inhaling a big nauseating cloud of sunscreen along the way...oops.  It's reasons like this that people get married, isn't it?  Someone will be obligated to apply your sunscreen?  I knew it...

In other news, today was our LAST Girls on the Run practice of the season.  *Tear!*  It has been an amazing experience coaching these girls.  I was just gushing to my friend about GOTR yesterday, and it really is a program like no other.  Pretty much every girl EVER would get so much out of GOTR.  Trust me, running is only the BEGINNING!

We celebrated today with princess cupcakes...(because what ISN'T more fun when you put a crown on it???)

Coach Melinda made these!!! How awesome is she?!

And made some truly spectacular bracelets...

You know you wish you had a bracelet that is this badass.  Saturday is our eagerly anticipated 5K race!  I am super pumped to get decked out in pink, put on a tiara, and run with my girls.  (Well, hobble maybe...hope my IT bands cooperate!!!)  I cried like 18 million times when I volunteered at the fall 5K race just from the sheer wonder and cuteness of it all...I can only imagine how emotional I will be when I actually KNOW some of the girls!  Can't. Wait.

END OF YEAR COUNTDOWN: 3 days, 2 hours... (I think I can, I think I can...)

What is your guilty pleasure TV show? 
^ I have far too many...Glee, Real Housewives of New York, and I'm embarrassed to admit it but Secret Life of the American Teenager... (but mostly to make fun of it, I swear!!)

My Attempt at Optimism

Is my glass of pinot grigio half-full or half-empty?

I'm not going to lie.  Right now, I'm in a half-empty kind of mood.  Hence the need for a glass of pinot grigio to take the edge off of a looong week...While I am completely exhausted by school, that's to be expected by this point and there is definitely an end in (near!) sight, and it not what's causing my emo-ness.

What's bumming me out this weekend is the fact that, after I had finally allowed myself to believe that I just might be in the clear in terms of running injuries, BOTH of my IT bands decided to act up this week.  By act up I mean tighten up like WHOA causing knee pain in both knees and some fun muscle tenderness that I just can't run through.  It has been injury after injury for me lately, and I can't help but just think, "Well, I had a couple good weeks there, right?  I guess that's all I have in me..."  I'm trying my best not to wallow too much and to stay optimistic, but I'll admit that I have already cried twice this week over this.  :(

Okay, now that that's outta the way, on to the optimism I promised.  Things to be happy about:

• That the pain I was feeling in my knee is not some new joint/bone problem.  I guess I'd rather an old issue resurface than enjoy the fun in taking on something new!
• It is still early in my training and a few missed runs right now aren't the end of the world.
• I have good insurance that will cover physical therapy as soon as I jump through the hoops of seeing my primary care doctor (again...) and waiting for a referral.

It's a short list, but it's a start.  And now, some optimistic quotes because that always makes me feel better. :)

Believe in yourself and all that you are.

Know that there is something inside you

that is greater than any obstacle.

Christian D. Larson

My definition of optimism is simply the belief that setbacks are normal

and can be overcome by your own actions.

Martin Seligman

Might seem like small potatoes, but...

First week down, and here's how I know we're on the right track:

• The kids knew exactly what to do when they came into the classroom this morning
• They also knew exactly what to do after lunch
• When I took them out for an afternoon recess, they started lining up IMMEDIATELY when I raised my hand as the "time to go back inside" signal
• The floor was clean at the end of the day again today
• Everyone turned in their homework 
• They paid attention and giggled through a 2-chapter read aloud from Sideways Stories from Wayside School (I could barely have last year's group sit together on the carpet because they'd always be "bothering each other")

Here's how I know I'm doing my job:

• When I told one kid I still hadn't seen the Diary of a Wimpy Kid movie, he told me he owned it and offered to bring it in so I could borrow it
• I got a paper cut during lunch time and had two students in the room making up some homework.  One is a student who I know will be a challenge this year.  He has had a great first week, but I know that he has some emotional problems and has had both a tough life and a history of behavior problems (the latter being due to the former).  Anyway, as I was grabbing myself a band-aid, this student looked up from his work and asked, plain and simple, "Is it okay?"

^That may not seem like much, but it made my entire day.  This child has been at 8 schools in the past 5 years, comes in late frequently and occasionally stays home for no reason other than that he doesn't have a family supportive enough to make sure he's in school, and I'm sure has a million other things going on that neither can I understand or imagine.  And he's making sure my paper cut is okay.  3 simple words that show we are on our way to building a relationship.  I teach for moments like this.

This is going to be a good year.

And now I'm off to lay on my bed and read, all I want to do (other than sleep) this entire weekend... :)

Optimism

Last Thursday afternoon as I sat in my classroom writing names and numbers on folders, book bins, name tags, clothes pins, you name it, I began to have something of an anxiety attack.  Ever Miss Worrier, I stared down at my class list of 21 strangers (yes, my initial class was 21 students.  As of today, I am up to 25 and officially out of desks and coat hooks...) and convinced myself that half of them were going to be behavior problems and that the year was going to be just as rough as last year.  My basis for this?  Zero.  I had no idea who these children were, save 1 or 2 that I'd heard about from the previous teacher, but Little Miss Sunshine me decided that obviously they were all going to be crazy.

After working so hard to form relationships with last year's group, it was just daunting to me to have to start getting to know an entire new bunch of STRANGERS, to earn their trust, and "get them to fall in love with me" (as Fay & Funk would say in Love & Logic aka my teaching bible).  At the same time, though, I was also excited to have a fresh start--a chance to really hammer home those routines that I was still figuring out last year.  Anyways, I did manage to calm down, mostly by talking to my 4th grade teacher friend Miss R.  She reassured me that they were overall a great group.  Every class in our school has a handful of difficult students (there just aren't enough classes between which to spread them out!), so I was prepared for that, but there are of course so many wonderful students here too.

After that, I pulled myself together and stopped freaking out.  My room was completely pulled together by Friday, my copies were made, and I had my first few weeks outlined.  Logistically, I was ready to go.  However, I still spent the whole weekend pretty nervous.  Mostly I think I was/am nervous about laying that foundation of high expectations, routines, and procedures.  I don't want my students to develop any habits right off the bat or think that I will let them get away with anything.  Last year I knew the importance of building routines as preventative classroom management.  The only problem was that I didn't know what kinds of routines worked for me!  After a lot of trial and error last year (and a lot of learning on my part!), I think the systems I'm implementing this year really work for me and will work for my kids.  Of course, I also learned last year how critical it is to adapt and reteach the SECOND you realize your current routine isn't working.

This morning I entered my classroom optimistic and in high spirits after a successful meet and greet last night.  I was amazed at the sense of familiarity I felt writing the schedule on the board, organizing materials, and previewing my lesson plans.  I have done this before.  While there will be many things to learn and many surprises, I feel far less FRANTIC than I did last year.  It's a wonderful feeling.

While I know we will be in the "honeymoon" stage most of this week, I know that even when my students' natural squirleyness kicks in I will be ready:  I know that as important as it is to capture my students hearts and get them to love and trust me, it's equally important to be consistent, to crack down on disruptive/inappropriate behaviors immediately, and to reteach routines until they become second nature.
Most importantly, I know that no matter what, I can handle whatever happens this year.  I will make it through. :)

one positive thing of the day:

my old-ish dell laptop was replaced with a slightly newer dell laptop. i guess that's something, right? :)

maybe, just maybe, i'm ready for this

After countless hours in my classroom this week, my room is (drum roll) DONE. Name tags are taped to desks, text books are passed out, folders are labeled, and my desk is cleared off. Except for one (small) pile of papers...but no one's perfect ;)

In three days, my students will be come into my perfectly prepared classroom, the year will start, and I will really be a real-life teacher. I'm feeling nervous and excited once again, but for maybe the first time all summer, a little more excited and a little less nervous. For those of you who know me personally, I tend to be a bit of an anxious person (and those of you who REALLY know me know that that's the understatement of the century...). But I looked around my classroom today (yes, I was there on a Saturday. I know.), glanced through my first week plans, and realized that I am ready for the week. And as much as I wonder if I'm ready to teach, I have to remember that I would not have gotten the job if my building staff hadn't thought I was competent for this, not to mention my professors from college and cooperating teacher/principal from student teaching. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in denial about how challenging and stressful this year will be. I just feel, maybe, that I can handle it.

Ask me that same question again next week, and you may get a completely different answer. I'm told this year will be a roller coaster of emotion. But I'm looking forward to it :)