A New Plan: Job Search, Part 2

It's times like this that I just love blogging and the blogging community--I have gotten so many thoughtful comments and emails over the past month and a half wishing me good luck on my search.  Thanks guys. :)  So far I have no HUGE news, but lots to update on in the job search department!  First of all, looking for a job is TIME CONSUMING!  My goodness.  Between applying for jobs, doing grad school work, and oh yeah, actually being a teacher (plus tutoring, running the science fair, and training for next month's half-marathon...), I'm spread a little thin these days!  I'm a teacher on the edge, folks!  Hence the break from blogging over the past few weeks.  I'm so grateful to be on spring vacation in Florida right now with my family...it's been some much needed relaxation!  And time with this beautiful baby...

But more about this cutie later!  Onto the job search.  So my search continues expanding...While I hadn't been planning on it, I have applied to a few of the nearby districts with openings posted. Now, staying in Chicago isn't really my priority, but I'm still keeping my options open.  Boston is the big priority.  I've been applying like crazy, but no bites yet... :-/  I know it's still only March, so I'm hoping that Boston schools aren't hiring quite yet, not that they're just not interested in me!  We'll see!!  I'd mentioned looking for a job in Colorado as well, and I've pretty much ruled that out at this point.  I'm not sure why, but it's just not where I see myself right now.  I actually got a call for an interview from a district in CO, but turned it down since I'd have to fly out there and I already was luke-warm about the idea by this point.

I had e an interview Friday morning at a school about half an hour from where I currently live.  It went really well, but was just a 1st round screener for two positions in the building, so I'll find out if they want me back for round 2 sometime next week after spring break is over.  The school was beautiful and the administrators seemed really nice, so even though I said Chicago isn't my first choice, I'd for sure be open to the job if I did get an offer.  I also have an interview in my district in a couple weeks, at the school my old principal is currently at.  It will be nice to have a friendly face at the interview, but I'm sure it will be a whole panel--eek.  Hate those!!

Had to dust off my interview suit...literally.  It was in a dry cleaning bag, but a little bit of the color was poking out, and it had collected a layer of dust!  I guess that because teachers don't actually wear suits...I always feel like I'm playing dress up in this thing!

In true Anxious Teacher form, I showed up almost an hour early...good thing my wonderful book club friend loaned me her Kindle so I was able to start rereading Hunger Games while waiting for the interview to start!

The big update though on the job search is that I'm looking outside the country too.  For many years I've dreamed about living and teaching abroad--I'm a total bleeding heart, and have especially wanted to teach in a developing country.  As a senior in college, I actually went through the whole application process for the Peace Corps, and was nominated to serve as a teacher trainer in the south Pacific.  I ended up dropping out of the application process when I got my teaching job offer.  I was having trouble getting medically cleared for the Peace Corps (I'm 100% healthy, but the Peace Corps is super picky, and having a history of asthma and also having struggled with an eating disorder, I was a "medical risk" in their eyes...), and just couldn't turn down a job offer knowing that my Peace Corps dreams might not work out.  

ANYWAYS, long story short, I haven't exactly spent the past three years longing to be abroad, but given this opportunity for a fresh start, my mind has wandered back there.  I applied for a program called WorldTeach a couple weeks ago.  If I'm accepted, I would be volunteering as a teacher for a year in Micronesia.  Never heard of it?  I hadn't either, but it's a tiny little island country in the south west Pacific near Indonesia.  I actually just had a Skype interview this evening, and it went really great.  It's definitely something I can see myself doing, although it's pretty crazy to think about that big of a change, especially when a couple months ago this wasn't in the cards for me at all!  Besides that, I applied to a placement program for teachers at international schools around the world.  Currently, the only positions available that I am eligible to apply for are in the United Arab Emirates (Dubai, Abu Dhabi, etc.).  That's definitely not a region I ever envisioned myself teaching, but I'm beginning to think, why not apply?  Who knows?

We will see.  Please send any and all positive thoughts/job leads/connections/magic wishing beans my way...I'll keep you posted!

Oh hi stress...

I am a little frazzled today...between a hectic day, a bit less patience than usual on my side, a rushed lunch, an assembly at the end of the day that got us back to the room just minutes before the afternoon bell (rushing to get hw passed out, backpacks packed, etc...), staff development after school, and immediately rushing to my autism therapy job, I haven't had a moment to breathe.

Luckily, my after school kiddo's mom had a latte waiting for me when I came over.  I swear it saved my life.

Here's what has me stressed out today:

1. Math.  My current chapter in the math series is on fractions, but I really dislike the way it is laid out.  We do Everyday Mathematics and while there are many positive things about the series, it is WAY too abstract most of the time for my group.  I tend to favor simple concepts taught in very basic ways, with real-life connections peppered in when appropriate.  Everyday Math attempts to put in WAY too many real-life connections, and tends to confuse the kids more often than not.  My team has been talking about meeting to go through the chapter and decide what to teach and what to toss, but the meeting keeps getting postponed because of other pressing issues.  Meanwhile, I'm starting the chapter and feeling like I'm treading water.  Actually, picture me treading water while at the same time trying to hold the hands of the 20 kids in my math class and keep them afloat too.  Needless to say, if someone doesn't throw me a life preserver/jacket/whole freakin raft soon, someone's going down...

2. RTI.  I have two kiddos who I am SO concerned about, and I feel like NOTHING is happening with them.  Due to a lack of communication, a change in policies regarding RTI, and me just not knowing what I'm supposed to be doing, I feel like these kids are drowning with no help in sight.  I get really emotional when it comes to things like this...I love my kids, and it kills me when I just don't know what to do next to help them.  Also, it makes me livid when I feel like they are not getting the services they are entitled to because of logistics.  I've recontacted the special services teacher and will hopefully be able to set up a meeting within the next couple days to start filling out the brand NEW RTI paperwork...I guess the form I filled out back in AUGUST (that is collecting dust in some system somewhere) wasn't gonna cut it??  There are many things that frustrate me about the education system in America, but nothing makes me as frustrated/upset/outraged/emotional as when I see kids drowning who NEED and DESERVE help, but because of the system it isn't coming to them...watch out, this is one teacher who is ready to jump through some serious hoops...

3. At staff development today, Mister Principal announced that he is being moved to a new building next year.  I have to say, I was pretty startled by this news and am really upset.  Let me explain:
When I interviewed for my job in April 2009, I bombed both the lesson I was asked to teach and the interview itself.  (I guess bombed is a relative term...I am a perfectionist, so it probably wasn't the WORST EVER, but in this competative market, any slip in an interview can be fatal...)  I left thinking there was no chance in hell I would be getting that job, especially since in the last week I had been passed up for 2 that had gone flawlessly.  Well, I did get the job as you know.  Both my teammates who had been at the interview and my principal had seen something in me that they liked, and believed enough in me to hire me in spite of the less than stellar showing at the interview.  He actually told me after that he hired me because of the way I talked about loving students, forming relationships, and appreciating diversity--all things that are at the heart of who I am as a teacher.  I know that he hired me for me, because he believed in the same things I do in the classroom.

Fast forward--last year was ROUGH.  Seriously.  Even though things were really tough for me, and I had a tough group of trouble makers, both the principal and the assistant principal really supported me through it all. Now by no means is my principal perfect, and there are things that drive me crazy as I'm sure there are in every school for every teacher.  But through it all, I really feel like he cares about me, like he has my back, and like he understands and appreciates both how hard I work and how far I've come.  And now, I'll have to get used to someone new?  I know this is completely normal and that administration changes happen all the time.  But...it's tough as a non-tenured teacher to know that your job is not secure and that this administrator who trusted you enough to take a leap of faith and offer you a job fresh out of college, and THEN to offer it back to you again is not going to be there anymore.  I just...idk.  I'm not sure what to think, and on top of everything else that was stressing me out today, wondering about my job security was just the cherry on top.

Oh that, and we started pulling out the ISAT review books--hello Coach, Buckle Down, Ladders to Succes, Workouts, and all of the other nonsense practice we get to start shoving down these poor kids' throats...Kill me.  Now, please.

I'm sure tomorrow will be calmer...but my alarm will definitely be set for 5am tomorrow.  I refuse to have another frantic day!

Projects & Planning Ahead

The numbers are in and not only am I going to be teaching at my school again next year, but I will be in the same grade AND the same classroom!

*mini-celebration*

After recently receiving this news, the comfort and excitement I feel when I look forward to next August leaves me feeling very reassured that I have made the right choice with staying here another year (and hopefully longer!).  It turns out I didn't need to travel 10,000 miles across the ocean to make a difference--there are lives to touch right in my backyard.

Anyways, after I received this news I decided to tackle A Project.  Like any true "project" goes, it began spontaneously and I dove in head first, refusing to stop until it was finished.  What is this project, you ask?
my cabinets.
Some of you may know that my predecessor in 5th grade was something of a hoarder...I am told that before handing over the classroom keys to me he did a deep clean of the room, purging it of most of the hoarded old workbooks, worksheets, resources, etc.  Hearing this information, all I can think is, "How the hell did you cram that much stuff into this room???"  I went through a good amount of drawers and closets back in August, but there are still several areas of the room that have yet to be explored (going through about 2 file drawers about maxed me out in the get-ready-for-school-craziness of August!  I kind of sealed up and "forgot about" a couple of the cabinets and drawers...).

ANYWAYS.  After my neighbor teacher, Ms. R, got the news that she will be moving downstairs to 4th grade next year, she started sending armies of kids over with boxes and boxes of books, materials, you name it for 5th grade.  In order to make room for these, I started the deep cleaning.  In the process of digging through two of the cabinets, I found many things that found their way STRAIGHT the recycling bin or the teacher's lounge table.  But I also found a bunch of great workbooks with some good hw or morning work sheets.  At the beginning of the year (and often now) I was always scrambling to come up with some practice page or another to send home for hw.  I always appreciate another book of quality practice pages!  Wish I had ventured into the cabinets sooner!!!

Next "project" on the menu:  the file cabinet (cue dramatic sound effects)...

I am also starting to put a lot of thought into room arrangement for next year.  My classroom is long and skinny, and instead of facing the room on one of the small end walls, I'd like to try flipping it so that the kids' desks face one of the long sides.  I'm hoping that that change will help us maximize space (without sacrificing my beautiful carpet reading library!).  I requested that the two archaic chalk boards be taken down in exchange for a bulletin board (no more taping up posters--hooray!) and another dry erase board.  I also requested two trapezoid tables to make a nice hexagon for guided reading--I have had enough of trying to do a reading group around a rectangle!  Just not working...I don't know if I'll get all of these things, but I think that the board changes should be no problem. 

All this talk about next year is getting exciting.  I know this year is far from over, but it has gone by faster than I could ever have imagined it would!  There are many things I will do just slightly differently next year--this year has been a lot of trial and error, and even though I'm sure that will continue EVERY year, I'm looking forward to getting a few more things right (I hope!).  :) 

Everyone has told me from the beginning that once you survive your first year teaching, you can survive anything--and once you survive a year teaching at MY school, you can teach anywhere!!!  I don't know about that, but I know that I will be going into next year much more confident, experienced, and prepared after the boot-camp style initiation my darling students have put me thorough this year!

Relax & Reteach

3 Day Weekends:  a tricky thing.
The pros:  putting my school work off until the last possible second, an extra night's sleep, actually getting to do something fun on the weekends (it's amazing what that extra day can do for you!)
The cons: CRAZY kids when we come back.  Man oh man, you'd think they had a 100 day weekend with they way they always seem to have forgotten how to function as a student.

Anyways, as wonderful as the weekend was (especially a night out with my best friend, catching up on family time with my brother, making it to the gym for the first time in a long time, and getting my snazzy new phone), the kids were NOT GOOD yesterday.  Yikes.

Today, though, I gave them a stern reminder of the rules (like Mrs. Mentor Teacher tells me: "there's a new sheriff in town, kids!") and we spent a good chunk of recess practicing routines like lining up in the hallway, raising hands, and what we do after lunch.  Believe it or not, they needed a little more practice later and we missed 5 minutes of PE practicing the same thing.  By know, though, I know with 100% certainty that a little reteaching now beats a lot of headache later.  Practice makes perfect after all ;)  (Mrs. J: I know we are both laughing right now about our dear little friend W...)

On another note, I had my LAST observation for the year last Thursday.  My principal came in to observe one of my guided reading groups, and it went great!  After he came in last time, I took some of his suggestions and worked them into my guided reading routine, and I felt really confident about the way everything went.  We met for a post-observation meeting yesterday and he had nothing but positive feedback, which was amazing to hear.  He also said that I have nothing to worry about for next year; that I'm definitely safe (aka I have a job), and if anything changes in the staffing plan or with budget cuts, he said he will "fight for me."  Wow, what a relief!!!!!  I can't believe that after being so ambivalent about accepting this job 10 months ago this place has come to feel like home.  I'm sure that many of my coworkers who have seen my frantic at the copier or crying in my classroom (or various other places in the school...) probably think I would leave here at the first opportunity, but really, that's not true at all. I love teaching, and I love teaching here, both in spite of and because of all the extra challenges and trials that come with the territory.  And while I don't yet know if I will be in the same grade or with the same team (what a miracle that would be), I am, tonight, grateful that I can breathe a small sigh of relief knowing that I may not have to live with my parents forever. :)

(though for now, I really am enjoying my parents' cooking for me, buying groceries, and various other wonderful things.  hmm...how much longer can I milk this before they realize how good I have it??)

Some big choices

Today I finally started doing a little planning for after break (although the grading is still untouched...) and looking at my lesson plan template, realized that it is sooo close to being January 2010.  Wow, 2010?  When did that happen??  This time last year I was thinking the very same thing about 2009.  2009 had always seemed like that far off in the future year I would eventually graduate from college, and then suddenly, it was here.  Last New Year's I remember thinking that it was the first New Year's when I had absolutely NO IDEA where my life would take me in the next year.  Well, as I sit here typing this in my childhood home at a desk I got when I was about 10, at first it would seem like nothing's changed.  When in reality, soo much has.

Anyways, on that note, with it being both the start of a brand new year and nearly the halfway point of my very first year teaching, I've been doing some thinking about my plans for next year.  When I took this job, I didn't tell a lot of people that I was planning on only staying here for a year before leaving to pursue my life-long dream of service abroad.  But even though I didn't tell everyone, I was fairly certain that that was my plan.  Now that I'm here...things are less clear.  Basically, here's the dilemma:  service abroad is still my dream.  When I think of how amazing it would be to travel to an impoverished country and help improve the schools and train teachers, it feels like the most exciting thing in the world.  But, realistically, when I think about leaving this school...I have second thoughts.

It's not that I love going into work every day and can't imagine every being anywhere else.  On the contrary, while I love teaching and believe this is my life's work, this first year has been incredibly difficult.  It's more that after the hours and hours of blood, sweat, and tears that I have poured into my teaching, my classroom, and my kids these past few months, I cannot imagine leaving and starting over somewhere new.  Everyone told me the first year would be the hardest, and they didn't exaggerate--it has been rough.  But after putting so much effort into building the foundation for my career here, I can't really imagine leaving it behind to start fresh at something else, and then returning to the profession in a few years only to start completely over yet again.  Shouldn't I plant some roots here for while, grow as a teacher, develop a routine?  Shouldn't I hang onto the job I am SO LUCKY to have and learn all I can while I am here?

Shouldn't I.....????

^ A counselor once told me that playing the game of "the shoulds" is a dangerous habit to fall into.  You know, that game where you tell yourself over and over what you "should" and "shouldn't" be doing, thinking, feeling.  Right now, I'm thinking a lot of "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts" when I consider what I should do here.  The reality is, this may not be the right school for me for the rest of my life.  But how can I leave after just 1 year when there is so much I have to learn and to give back in return?

Another reality is that a little part of me keeps thinking that I have somehow taken the "easy way out" and settled for what is comfortable (yet again).  I am comfortable living here and I am comfortable working another year in the suburbs.  This is more "sure" and definitely more comfortable than taking a huge risk to leave and go live in a third world country for awhile.  But the thing I have to remember is that this job and this career really is ANYTHING but the easy way out.  There is nothing about teaching (and certainly nothing about the school I am at) that is easy.  NOTHING.  And this is not just "some job" that I have for now to pay the bills.  This is a career I am passionate about and a career that allows me a very special opporutnity to help children who really need me and to make a difference in my own community right here in the suburbs.  The truth is, you don't need to travel to the third world to find kids who need love and support and good teachers.  The need is right here.  So as much as a little part of me keeps thinking I've "settled," in reality I've done nothing of the kind.  I have a job that is stimulating, challenging, and meaningful.  And whether I leave or stay, I know in my heart that it can't be because of some "should" I am feeling.  There is no "easy option."

What it boils down to is that I am just a little bit confused.  I thought my late nights of soul-searching would end when I graduated college, but it turns out I am still in the middle of a "quarter-life crisis." Sigh... But honestly, I think I will end up staying right here, learning all I can, and making all the difference I can right in my own little community.