sheer terror

I have written before about a certain "difficult parent" and the trouble she likes to cause. Well, I have managed to appease her for awhile, but no calm lasts forever. Yesterday, her child was playing with a necklace all morning. Before PE I suggested I hang onto it for the rest of the day and put it in my pocket. Well, as all things do at the end of the day, the memory of the necklace simply evaporated from my mind. I remembered it only when I dug for something in my pocket at home that evening. Oh lordy, I thought, imaging the voicemail I was sure to have from mom in the morning. When I arrived at school, I was surprised to find that the telltale light on my phone was not blinking red (a sight that always creates a knot in my stomach, no matter what). But sure enough, around 7:50 the phone rang. "Yes, I have the necklace, it slipped my mind. Of course I will return it today, first thing this morning. Oh, you'd prefer that I didn't return it until after lunch recess? No problem. I have it on my desk with a post-it so I won't forget. Have a nice day!"

It should be so simple.

5 minutes before the end of recess, I spot the post-it which I had forgotten about until then--must have had other things on my mind like, oh, I don't know, TEACHING. Anyways, what I mean is, I spot the post-it, but I do NOT spot the necklace. I immediately launch into full-on panic mode. I search my desk top, the drawer underneath, the floor, my stack of papers to grade, even the trash. Then I put the handful of students who were in making up homework on the search. They crawl all around the floor, and suggest impossible places it could be. I check the same places again and again to no avail. I am beginning to feel like I am sure to either throw up or cry or both. All kinds of horrible accusations the mother is sure to make are running through my head. I am thinking about how she is sure to complain to the assistant principal, the principal, the district office, other parents, and anyone who will listen about me. The silly, young, irresponsible teacher. The teacher who stole her son's necklace. The teacher who is too incompetent to even keep track of things in her classroom. Any small margin of credibility I may have managed to scrape together in her critical view would surely be ruined. I was a wreck.

I pulled her son aside and told him the truth: it was missing, we were looking for it, I would pay for a replacement if it wasn't found. He seemed okay about it, and seemed to trust me. I asked the class to search their desks. I accused students from another class who had stopped by when I was out of the room. I called the asst. principal and warned her for the angry calls she would soon be receiving, and asked her in advance to support me from the wrath.

Then, from the grace of st. anthony or perhaps just karma paying me back for all of the blood sweat and tears I put into this job, I hear from the reading corner, "The necklace!!!" It was all I could do to keep from weeping tears of joy.

No questions asked, no wondering, "how the heck did that end up there?!," just an immediate, "Put that on your neck NOW!!" And a gigantic sigh of relief.

All in a day's work. :)

To my student that lies and steals

Dear Student,

This has to stop--now.  Your stories, your lies, your stealing--all of it.  STOP.  Friday, when I found out you had been lying to me in little ways all year, I looked at you in a new light.  I mean, taking stickers is one thing.  But cell phones?  mp3 players?  GLASSES???  [Yes, I learned that the glasses this child has been wearing all year were stolen.  She does not WEAR glasses.  I know.]  I fear for your future--where will you be in 5 years?  Next year, even? 

I fear for you, and I ache for you.  What happened in your life that caused you to do these things?  What can we do to help you?  What do you need? 

I am at a loss.  For now, unfortunately all I think I can do is keep loving you, and pray for you...

Sticky Fingers...

I am a sucker for books.  I started collecting books for my classroom library LONG before I even had a teaching certificate, much less a classroom to put them in.  Every time I see a garage sale or thrift store or scholastic book order, I absolutely have to look.  And I don't allow myself in the children's section at borders because I have no self control but can't even remotely afford those price tags.  So needless to say, I have a pretty impressive library for a first year teacher.  I also have an "open door policy" in my classroom library.  While initially I planned to have the kids sign out books, after I started the Daily 5 I realized there was no way I could keep that up.  My kids all have book bins and I'm constantly tossing books in them, and encourage the kids to pass on books they've enjoyed to each other.  I think this is a positive thing for the kids, so I am willing to risk a few books getting lost in the shuffle here and there. 

That is I was until I realized the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books had disappeared from the "humor" section...I have 2 copies of each of the 4 books and haven't seen any of them for awhile.  All but 1 of them I bought with my own money and 1 is a hard back that cost me $9.  (I couldn't resist getting the newest RIGHT AWAY!)  I started asking the kids about them, and no one knew where they'd gone.  I started having stern discussions about the books and how I trust them to return them and how I bought them with my own money.  I threatened to take home all of the books if they didn't come back. 

I waited a week and none were returned.  I started getting even more frustrated.  I decided if books weren't returned this week, I was going to start calling every student's parents and asking them to be on the lookout, as well as cover all of the bookshelves in butcher paper and getting rid of book boxes (temporarily of course).  Books would be on a BYOB basis.  Yes, this conflicts with every best practice I know of, but I felt I needed to make a statement.

Thankfully, it did not come to that.  I have a little...stealer.  She has stolen cell phones, mp3 players, and the list goes on.  So, almost positive that it was her, I decided to call her mother and ask her to look around.  Well, today after school I had a voice mail from her saying she had found MANY books, in fact too many for her daughter to carry.  She will be delivering a bag to school Friday.

I know I should be disappointed in this child, but honestly I feel like a kid on Christmas--it feels like I'm getting a whole bag of new books Friday!  (never mind I already paid for them...)  Not sure what I should do about this student, though...She has already been reprimanded for each of the phone stealing incidents.  I somehow don't think anything I say or do will sink in.  Obviously she does not have book privileges in the classroom... but after that, I'm not sure what to do.  Thoughts/suggestions?

Well, isn't that interesting...

Update on yesterday's crime scene investigation:

This morning I pulled aside the suspected thief of yesterday and very calmly asked her if she knew anything about the missing mp3 player.  She responded with an agitated "no!" and said that two girls had already called her last night to ask if she had taken it.  I asked her 1 more time and she still said no, so I told her I believed her and dropped it.  Right before lunch when all the kids were in the room, I gave a friendly reminder to the class that we don't bring electronics to school because there is no way we can prevent them from being stolen.  Lots of different people come and go from our room during the day, and we can't lock up backpacks.  Then I told them that we should all be on the lookout for the mp3 player, but that they're not the police and it's not their job to spread any gossip about who may or may not have taken it, or to hound friends about it.  I did say, though, that if anyone took it or knew who took it, if they returned it, there would be no consequence, and suggested (thanks elmo for the advice!) that they just bring it to the office, or to me, and say they found it...and we would let it go.

Miracle of miracles, the girl from whom it was taken came up to me later in the day and just said, "I got my mp3 player back.  A student found it in their backpack."  I smiled, "That's great."  The end.
Well isn't that interesting...but I'll take it!

To the child who stole from me;

When I caught you with your hands in my desk drawer, I got angry.  When I asked what you were doing and a series of lies poured  frantically out of your mouth one after another, I got furious.

Don't you understand that I give everything to you and your classmates?  90% of my day I spend with you, worrying about you, planning things to do with you, or talking about you.  I spend my money and time all on YOU.  You have become a part of my life.  I do everything I can to help you learn and grow both academically and emotionally.

I trust you.  I put books out in the room and let you borrow them and take them home.  I leave my purse in a cabinet.  I have stickers and candy and a camera in my desk drawer.  I leave my laptop in the room when you are here. I trust you not only because you are a child, but because we are a team. 

Then, when your hands are in my desk taking something of mine and I see you in the act of stealing and yet you have the guts to lie to my face about what you did, everything is turned upside down.  I sent you out in the hall to sit because I couldn't look at you right then.  I felt disgusted.  I felt angry.  I felt...betrayed.  By you.  A little girl.  I trusted you and your classmates.   

I let you wait until the end of the day before we talked.  I admit, part of me wanted you to think about what you did.  But another part of me knew that if I talked to you before then, I'd yell.  After school, I wanted you to tell me why you did what you did.  Yet again, the excuses poured from your mouth as fast as the tears down your cheeks: "I found it," "I was going to put it back," "I didn't mean to," "I didn't do it," "I was borrowing it."  You couldn't explain why.  I sent you home to explain what you did to your parents, knowing that that would be punishment enough.

The next day, you apologized.  We chose a logical consequence.  You accepted it.  You looked at me, still teary, and I saw how young you are.  You became not just a child who stole but a child who would do anything to earn my trust back.  When I told you that you had broken my trust, I meant it.  When I told you we could move on, I meant that too.

I am still your teacher.  I still care deeply about you.  I still will make your education my priority and still lose sleep, worrying that I'm not doing enough for you.  We will forget about this.  I am not angry anymore.  But I will still wonder sometimes if leaving my ipod in my desk is a mistake.  I will still wonder sometimes if I should keep better track of which books you and your classmates take home at night, and check that you brought them back.

You reminded me that it's as important to teach morals and character in school as reading and math.  Sometimes it's easier to say, "Oh, the kids will learn that at home.  It's not my job."  But what happens to the kids that don't learn those things at home?  If it's not my job, then whose is it?